Archive for October, 2004

Unfortunately I don’t have a whole lot of time to write, but I thought I’d at least post something. I spent the last few minutes carving out a pumpkin; do you like it? In case you’re a little slow today, the “W” is for George W Bush! Don’t forget to vote on this election! Even if you vote for Herman Munster, at least make your vote count! I haven’t decided where I’m going to be putting this pumpkin yet. I’m thinking of putting it outside on top of my (flat-topped) mailbox. I’m pretty sure it’ll get vandalized. Maybe I’ll put a video camera on it so whatever happens can be caught on tape? Ehh, what do I care? It’s just a pumpkin. Hopefully it’ll be a little reminder to passers by to vote.

ScottIsHot.com reminds you to vote! Seriously, it’s really important. I don’t care who you vote for, just vote! Yes, one vote counts. The outcome of the last presidential election was determined by only a handful of votes. Make your voice count and vote! If you’re not registered, go to the polls! People there will help ya’ out; just vote!

VOTERS: IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT! Due to the high levels of tension between the political parties this year at the polls, everyone is encouraging republicans to vote on Tuesday and democrats to vote on Wednesday. ^_-

ps: yes, that’s my pumpkin. I carved it. I didn’t steal the picture off the internet or something =op

Early this morning Tom gave me a hard time about how my titles have been getting consistently worse with each continuing post. I figure that if I hit rock bottom, I have no where to go but up. So, with that in mind, I will appropriately entitle this post something along the lines of The Post Without A Title. Back to the blog. So, it’s Wednesday night and I’m writing to you less than twenty-four hours after I last posted. Yes! Finally! I’m falling back to my old schedule of posting regularly. Who knows, if I keep finding clever little ways to make time I might continue to be able to post every day. However, my philosophy regarding blogging is simple; quality over quantity, perfection over persistence, interesting over incessant, magnificence over magnitude, worth over wealth, superiorly instead of superfluously. Okay, I was scraping the bottom of the barrel with that last one. Anyway, I’ve made a small list of things I want to cover tonight and I think it’ll be interesting. So, pull up a chair and listen to what I’ve got to say tonight!

I got another really nice email a few days ago! It was pretty cool and I thought I’d mention it. I got something like this about a month ago but not quite to this extent. The email is on my home computer and I’m on my laptop now so I’ll be doing the best I can to talk about it from memory. It was an email from a girl who was googling for information pertaining to Asian double-upper eyelid blepharoplasty (check my older posts for more info) and stumbled upon my site. A large chunk of people who land on my website are actually people who come from google and something I wrote in one of my blog entries matched their search query. Anyway, this girl didn’t tell me much about her background but she signed the letter as Heng, which I’m assuming is a Chinese (female) name. The email wasn’t overly long but it talked about how the girl was insecure about how she looked and wanted to change her appearance with eye surgery. She wanted more information about it so she used google to search for “pretty Asian eyelid blepharoplasty” and my site came up on the front page (which I tried, and it’s true if you search for it without the quotes). She said that she read my page and it gave her a whole new way of thinking about her appearance. She said something along the lines of “I never realized that there were actually people out there who really like the way I look as I am” and at that point in reading the email I was like “aww!” (note: to retain what public masculinity I have, I’ll add that that “aww” was mentally thought and not actually spoken). Heng concluded by saying that she’s decided not to have the surgery after reading my page and that she’s going to be more confident in how she was by embracing the things that made her special. She said I changed her life (whoa) and thanked me. I was like “wow, now there’s an email!” I figured I’d share it because I haven’t gotten many nice letters of this magnitude lately, and it really made me feel pretty cool. As a quick disclaimer I’ll say that I’m not against Asian blepharoplasty or any cosmetic surgery for that matter, and if you want to know more information about what I’m talking about and where I stand, check out some of my older posts regarding the topic. Just go to google and search for “scottishot blepharoplasty” (in quotes) and click on the “more results from scottishot.com” link to display all the different posts where I wrote about it. So, that’s that. See? Now I’m in a good mood again. Alright, next topic…

Uh oh, here it comes. I heard a few things that threw off my little mental alarm and raised some red flags, so I think there’s something I need to clear-up. I know that writing my thoughts in my blog doesn’t really change anything as far as my physical world is concerned, but I think that if I organize my thoughts neatly here that I’ll also be organizing them mentally, so when they’re called upon (by me trying to explain my position) they’ll be easy to access. So, what is this topic that I’ve been beating around the bush about? It’s a pretty general concept I guess, but specifically it deals with girls, me, and combining the two. The two things I heard that made me decided now was the time to bring this back up again were things people said to me. First, someone at school said something along the lines of [something I’ve decided not to post] and the other one was written to me today in my comments box and it asked “why don’t your parents let you date?” It’s like… whoa, whoa, whoa, where did that come from? Sometimes I want to put my hands on someone’s head, grab their hair, and shake screaming “You have it all wrong!” Oh well, I know I can’t (or won’t, at least) do that in real life, so the best I can do is try to set a few quick little things straight. I’m in college with a pre-med major studying and working hard to try to get into medical school and hopefully be in the top of my class in medical school so I’ll be able to specialize. Eventually, I’ll most likely get married, but I don’t want to get married before I’m out of college. Studying alone is hard enough; I couldn’t even imagine having a wife while in college especially with a more or less zero dollar income during school. So, for the remainder of this paragraph, I’ll just assume I’m getting married and it’ll be after I’m out of college. So, where am I now? Well, I’m taking a bunch of classes and I have a pretty rough schedule. I’m studying pretty much all day, every day, and all weekend. I’m leaving for school before the sun rises and, most days, getting back after it has already set. My weekends are spent studying or working with a study group away from home. Every time a few tests start approaching, my life essentially stops and all I do is school. However, this is the interesting part. I’m only in my fifth semester (counting summers) and I have about twenty five semesters left. And, I’ll tell ya’ one thing, it won’t be getting any easier from here. I have to have really good grades now to make it into a good college for my next two years of premed. I need to be in the top of my premed classes to get accepted into medical school. Then, I have to kick butt in medical school and graduate in the top of my class (competing with a class that is comprised of students who were all top of their class in the past) so I can have the opportunity to specialize in the field that I want to go into. So, in case you haven’t noticed, I’ve got a lot of work ahead of me. One of the things I value most in a relationship is time. They talk about the four different ways that people share love (gifts, touch, words, or time) and for me, it’s time. If I were in a relationship with a girl, the time I spend with her would, by far, be the most valued thing for me. I could not even imagine what it would be like to try to maintain (much less strengthen or grow) any kind of relationship through medical school. Medical school would kill any relationship I had with any girl (if it doesn’t kill me first!). Plus, I know it sounds cold, but I really can’t afford distractions like that. I’m not super smart or anything. If I were, it would be no problem! However, I’m not. I’m just an ordinary kid, so anything I do I have to work really hard to do. Right now, I have small amounts of free time here and there throughout the week that I use to do things like write my blog. If I tried to start any kind of a serious relationship with a girl now, even though it may be able to survive on those few strands, it would only be to inevitably dwindle when these last few threads of free time are severed. So, there you have it. I don’t want to start a relationship with a girl that I know will not last. However, when I mention this people quickly get curiously defensive and start making little comments like “jeez Scott, why does everything have to be so serious with you?” or “what’s wrong with a short relationship?” Remember that wife thing I talked about earlier? This is the weird part. If you know me in person (or are a chronic reader of my blog) you know that I’m always talking about her as if I know who she is. I love my wife and I want our relationship to be something really, really special. Why would I cheapen the relationship with my wife by (selfishly) partaking in frivolous little relationships that exist purely for their own sake? It’s just not something that I’m going to do. So, that answers that. I’ve used this paragraph to slowly step you through all of my points, you just probably didn’t notice me make them. For clarification, I’ll list them. Some of them are hopefully obvious, but they’re often confused by other people so I’ll just cover the whole range. Starting right out, no I’m not gay. No, I don’t date. No, it’s not because of my parents, it’s my choice. I know any relationship I start now will be put under incredible strain through medical school. While I’m not saying that the relationship can’t take it, I am saying that I can’t take it. It would be too agonizingly painful and it’s something I would never want to willingly subject myself to. I’m choosing not to date now. It’s me. It’s my choice. There are no secret reasons behind it and there are no hidden motivations. I’m single right now. I have been for quote some time. I probably will be for quite some time. No, I do not need you to introduce me to your female friends. No, I do not like hearing people talk about setting me up with women. No, I’m not single because “I can’t find anyone”. I will most likely get married. The relationship I will have with my wife will be the most important human relationship I will ever make, and I don’t want to cheapen it by making shallow decisions to satisfy the moment. Thanks for listening ^_^

Hmm, that ran a little long. I haven’t proofread it yet (it’s getting a little late) so I’m not sure how it sounds, but it doesn’t seem to flow like any of the previous paragraphs I’ve written about my current voluntarily-single status. Also I’ll throw a little side note out there that I’m not allergic to girls or anything like that. I’m human and like having friends too, it’s just that it’s going to stay there and become nothing more for now. I’m content writing my silly little blogs =oD

Well, my time’s up for tonight. I’ll try to write again when I get a chance, but it’s kind of hard sometimes. I have a big Chemistry II exam (one of three exams in this class) so I need to do really, really well on it. Right now I have a borderline A-B in the class, so if I ace this test, I’ll have an A! This blog feels short. I guess tonight’s a cop-out post. By that I mean that I hit the word count button every few minutes, wait until I hit two thousand, and then write a conclusion. Heh; I laugh at my own stupidity sometimes. Oh well, it’s all good. /Yawn/, I’m tired. I hope you have an incredible day and don’t forget to smile! Smile as you walk around today, and try to make three other people smile. There, see? You’ve impacted three peoples’ lives for the better. Have a good one! –Scott

Good evening! I’m Scott, and you know who you are. Tonight I’m home early; classes were short. I’ve decided to spend the evening partaking in one of my favorite activities (blogging) while listening to my perky little disk jockey. Those of you who are regular readers know who I’m talking about! ^_- Well, tonight I feel the slightly lightened burden of two tests completed, so I’m pretty energetic and ready to write. Unfortunately with the hectic life I’ve been living the last few days, I haven’t been able to keep a running list of topics I want to blog about. Consequently, I’ll be blogging freestyle tonight; but the sporadic randomness of my script less blogs is what makes them so interesting! So, before I start to get sleepy, here we go.

Scott, why do you write so much about school?! Gee, I don’t know; maybe it’s because I spend over half my life at the stinkin’ college? Anyway, school has been consuming pretty much all of my life lately, and if I’m really on the pathway to becoming a doctor I think it’ll be more or less downhill for the next decade. Well, the two tests I took today went well. I think I aced the biology test and I feel good about my calc II exam. Hey, cut it out; of course I know that’s what I thought last time. However, this is different somehow! I was able to go back and check most of the problems on my calculator to be sure I did them correctly. One thing I know I missed was one of the first questions. It was some complicated differential equation I had to solve and at the very, very end I had a single variable (x) in an equation and was able to narrow it down to x^2-5x-6=0 and do you know what I did? Yes, leave it up to Scott to screw-up a problem at the very last step. This is stuff that pre-algebra kids could get right. Instead of making it (x-6)(x+1), I swapped the signs, and ended up with x equaling -6 and 1. I’m a moron! Oh well, I figure that it won’t kill my score. Okay, maybe it will. [sobs] I’m a failure. I’m struggling to cling on to an A in Physics class and I don’t even have an A in my math class. I am just… I’m really killing myself this semester. Anyway, I’m happy about Physics still. I’ve started getting some really good grades on the lab write-ups I’ve been turning in, so I think that if I continue to work as hard as I have been, an A won’t be that difficult to obtain. The problem is the time though. I’m spending hours every weekend (with my physics group) delving into all aspects of every homework problem to try to figure out how to get it to work correctly. Last Saturday I was planning to meet my group at a Panera bread restaurant place. Panera was good because it was relatively quiet (with soft classical music; I can work with that!) and had large tables. When I refer to “the group”, I’m talking about my two physics lab partners. I don’t like to really call them my friends, because even though I enjoy working with them, the time I spend around them is only at school and for school. Anyway, the girl in the group got there about an hour late because she got lost oh the way, and the other guy ended up not being able to come because of work. I still got a lot done though. I was gone from about two to ten and got an entire test worth’s homework problems done (something that, in the past, took me three times as long to do). I think I’ll talk a little more about this later. Until then, I’ll back up and share what happened last Thursday.

My college had some silly celebration day where they had all sorts of (strangely indescribable) little stands or events. I don’t even know what to call them. It was like a carnival or something. Anyway, I was up on the second story of the cafeteria working on prepping myself for a physics lab that I was going to (with my group) in a few minutes. The other two members of the group were outside standing in line to see the man who was making balloon animals. Out of the three of us, for some reason I feel that I’m always worrying about getting everybody together in the right place at the right time. I know it’s probably not even really like this, and I know that even if it were it’s not my responsibility, but it’s just one of those tendencies that I have a harder time shaking. The girl often makes fun of me because of it, and the guy always makes obscure references comparing me to Jimmy Neutron (boy genius?). It’s actually gotten a little pathetic lately. One day a little while ago I was taking about how I was displeased with my current signature, and he said “I’ve got a good idea” and grabbed a small piece of paper and a pen. He pressed the pen to the pad and drew three ovals on top of each other and drew “JN” in the middle. It was supposed to be the shape of the electron orbitals of an atom with the nucleus being “my initials”. While I did find it very amusing, I could only roll my eyes. I looked at my watch… five minutes late to lab. “Where are they?” I started to ask myself. I started packing up my backpack when I hear familiar laughter. I look up and am shocked, stunned, and utterly abhorred at what I saw. There, trying to contain their laughter, were my two lab partners holding a big balloon atom with big white electron orbitals and a red nucleus. I gave in. It was really, really funny. I laughed to myself and thought, “Yeah, I’ll be writing about this one.”

Hmm, maybe I’ll have to research this. You’ve probably noticed my multiple blog entries entirely dedicated to some form of blepharoplasty (being it to add a folding upper eyelid or trim-back an epicanthic fold). I also seem to talk incessantly about the shape of some person’s eyes or something along those lines. I know this will probably sound really stupid but… I was thinking about the different specializations that may (if I get good enough grades) be available to me when I’m in medical school. I’m not saying I’m actually necessarily considering it, but considering that I’m always rambling-on about peoples eyes, maybe it would be fitting to my personality to become an ophthalmologist? And, no, I’m not talking about an optometrist. I wouldn’t be prescribing contacts or glasses =op I’d either be doing biomedical research (did you know that they can electronically overlay images over your vision through your brain now?) or eye-related surgery. It’s pretty much anything specializing right around, on, or in the eye. What made me think of it? I was watching TV the other day and a plastic surgeon used a high intensity laser to try to tighten the skin bags under a man’s eye when he started getting eye pain. Afraid that he may have damaged the eye, the plastic surgeon called an ophthalmologist friend for his opinion. I turned the TV off and went to google ^_^ I’m just mentioning this because I like the idea of it, but I don’t think it’s realistic for me. It’s because of a definite reason; a reason that also scares me for the specialization I’m currently thinking of (dermatology). My hands; they shake. Badly. I can control them enough that I’d feel comfortable doing light surgery on the skin removing cancers and stuff as a dermatologist, but taking a scalpel to someone’s eyeball? I’m afraid I simply don’t have the controlled dexterity to confidentially do manual eye surgery. However, who knows, eye surgery is going more and more toward lasers and computers. But even so, I think I’m sticking to my current plan.

There’s nothing like a little awkwardness to start your day. Remember how I earlier I wrote about how I spend a lot of time meeting my physics group and doing homework with the guy and the girl? It’s not something new; it’s been happening off and on (more “on” when a test is approaching) for the last few months. Remember how I mentioned I spent a lot of time last weekend at that restaurant and the guy couldn’t come? I didn’t think much of it at the time, but the next day I was delicately placed (spatulated?) on the frying pan as the heat was slowly turned up from beneath my feet. I’m sure they had good intensions, but my sister and my mom started shooting darts at me and I felt so stupid standing there and trying to think of ways to justify myself. Because of the time I spent that day away from home (leaving home on a weekend is something I rarely do), they assumed I was “up to something”, and being that it was meeting a girl at a restaurant, I got bombarded with empty accusations and stupid comments based on leaped assumptions. I’m sure you can pretty much figure out how it went. My sister and mom started thinking that I spent the time there because I “like” the girl. First of all, she has a boyfriend. And, while I’m sure she’s a very nice person and I most certainly don’t want to offend her, I know that anyone who meets here will instantly know that she is about the farthest person from “my type” there is. The time we spend together (as empty as it may sound) really is for school. While I think she’s nice, I would never even consider dating a girl like her because she has a personality that simply doesn’t match my own. Nothing against her, and I’m not saying it’s bad, it’s just true; a “relationship” with this girl is the farthest thing from my mind. I think it’s what makes her so good to work with for school. When she’s serious (and that’s the key point) she works really hard and is pretty smart and together we can usually get through any of the problems we have to work on. So, from my standpoint, it’s quite obvious that she would never be someone I’d actually consider dating. That’s why I was caught so off-guard when my sister and mom started making dry and empty accusations of my “real motivations” for meeting her at the restaurant. I felt so stupid. I just… stood there and let them talk. I could feel my face turn red and small beads of sweat form on my brow as I was overtaken by pure embarrassment. I felt humiliated; I don’t know why I felt so awkward, but all I could do was stand there and get (politely) lectured to. My sister repeatedly used the phrase “you’re not allowed to like her” and it was something so foreign and outlandish to my mind that I could only shrug as I stood there. No, Kelly, I didn’t go there just to be with her. Yes, mom, I did get my homework done. No, Kelly, she has a boyfriend. No, mom, I’m not making this up. I don’t want to make my family sound bad, but I feel so bad when they pummel me with completely empty accusations and I feel the need to somehow justify or prove my thoughts… it’s just tiring I guess. Frustrating, embarrassing, degrading, the list goes on. One of the unfortunate things is that when these sort of one-sided conversations like this one happen, usually people don’t really think about how bad they sound. Also, I guess it’s one of my tragic flaws, but when people say things they don’t mean I remember them and take them personally. My sister tried to make a case that I was obsessed with this girl and not doing any schoolwork. My mom then gracefully stated “Scott, you don’t need to become obsessed with the first girl that gave you any attention since college started.” Thanks for that =o(

Hello Scott, any brain in there? I think that when you know you have a problem in your head, it’s incredibly hard to figure it out. My reasoning is that, when you think you have a problem, maybe it’s just you having a problem thinking you have a problem. If you’re confused, don’t worry; I’ll try to explain. Lately I’ve been taking little pieces of things people say to me and I hear them over and over on my head. It’s not always something bad; it’s just usually something that I can’t shrug away. Usually it’s something I feel really bad about when I think of it though. An example (the reason I decided to write about this) is that final quote from the previous paragraph. I know that it wasn’t really meant to make me feel bad, but hearing it over and over in my head it’s hard not to get a little discouraged by it. Yesterday someone said made a comment (jokingly) about how I couldn’t care for my wife, and while I know it wasn’t meant in an insulting or demeaning way, it’s one of those little lines that’s been nagging me. I need to learn to just let it go, and hopefully with the help of this blog I’ll be able to ^_^ I’m pretty sure none of the people I wrote about tonight would ever read this post, and if they do read it I hope it doesn’t make anyone mad. If you’re one of the people I wrote about and happen to have some beef with me about something I wrote about, let me know privately in person and we can talk. Otherwise, it’s usually best just to keep things quiet. I’ve had the unfortunate experience of someone reading something I wrote, twisting it, telling it to someone else, and having it get back to my parents (this was a while back) and they ended-up getting really upset about it. I just… I come here to try to write peacefully. I hate having to write my life defensively, and I wish people could just grow up enough that they could see that running in circles trying to wrinkle other peoples’ lives is childish. This paragraph is empty, directionless, meaningless, and confusing. I apologize for its disorganization, but I’ve decided I’ll let it remain. After all, I seemed to get a little stress relief just from writing it ^_^

Okay, I wrote tonight, but I have an early class tomorrow. It’d be in my sleep’s best interest to get going. I really enjoyed writing tonight and hopefully I’ll be able to continue to make time over the next few days to write again. However, I have no way of knowing how hectic my schedule will be in the future, so you just have to take my entries as they come. I’d appreciate your comments to this post; let me know what you think! I’ll write again as soon as I can. Have an awesome week. –Scott

Good morning whenever you happen to be right now! Believe it or not, I’ve actually gotten ahead of schedule in my homework planning; go Scott! Anyway, I’ve decided to take this time to catch up a little bit on my blogging. I feel bad every day for neglecting my writings, and I only wish I had more free time that I could use to add to this wonderful archive of my thoughts. I sometimes think about what it would be like to be older (thinking ahead ten years or so) coming back to read what I wrote at age eighteen. So many things have changed in the last few years of my life and I’m sure many more will change in the next few years. The cool thing is that I’ve got my writings to keep track of the changes from a first person perspective, and thanks to you (the casual reader) I have extra motivation and incentive to write neatly, powerfully, uniquely, and regularly. So, once again, I thank you, casual blog reader, for your support. All right, let’s dive right in!

Attention! The end of the world must be near! Scott actually considered going to a movie Sunday night. That’s right folks, pull your jaw off the floor and pop it back into position! You saw where I wrote about how I wanted to see Ghost in the Shell 2 in the previous blog entry. Well, I decided to do a little research and guess what I found? I found a list of theatres in America that are playing Ghost in the Shell 2 right now! There’s a theatre in Tampa (about two hours from my house) that was showing the film Sunday at 7:30! If only I had read that an hour earlier, I would have had time to hop in the car and drive two hours to make it just in time. Then, I guess, I’d stand in line and watch the 90 minute movie and drive two hours all the way back home. While it may seem silly, I really wanted to see it in the theatre. I have never seen an Asian film in a real movie theatre (with the exception of “Hero”, which I didn’t particularly enjoy anyway) and I really wanted to Sunday night. Oh well. Instead, admitting defeat, I downloaded the movie from suprnova (thanks NyQuil) and watched it at home. I have a fairly decent little setup in my room though, so it was almost comparable. I had a little leather couch pulled up right in front of a pretty cool flat screen TV which I have connected to my computer… and we can’t forget the 6 piece surround sound system which I spent hours in the 120 degree attic wiring through the ceiling! It was a pretty fun movie to watch and the story was much like the original as far as the style goes. I really liked the way the played out the movie, and I’ll most likely be re-watching this film sometime this week. I wished I could have seen it in a loaded theatre (loaded? Get real Scott; it’s a Japanese movie playing in the US) because it was one of those movies where people would start cheering here and there. You know what movie I really want to see in a packed theatre? I’d may 100$ to go see it right now. I’m not joking, a Benjamin Franklin folks. Wait, is he on the hundred? How would I know? Anyway, that movie was classic theater material. If you’ve seen it, you’d know what I’m talking about. Remember that opening sequence with Misato taking the hair band out of her pony tail as you see her back and hear the drums in the background? I just got goose bumps writing about it! (This is a scary thought, considering how deep I have mentally fallen into this blog sitting in a chair in the cafeteria of my college.) Anyway, I could only imagine what it would be like in that theatre. There’d be cheering! If no one else cheered, I’d be cheering! I seriously disapprove of that chick’s choices (with that loser guy), but nonetheless her position at NERV makes her really, really cool. The purple hair is pretty cool too ^_-

Do you realize how long it’s been since I wrote about anime women? Talk about breaking the waves of the incoming tides of nostalgia! Speaking of which, I need to rewrite my about Scott page because, once again, it’s seriously out of date. All right, the subject of this paragraph that I’ve so conveniently rolled into is that of women. Yes, I know, I know. I know, I know, I know, shut up already! I know I talk about some aspect of girls or women in nearly every entry of mine. It almost makes you think that it’s something I think about a lot… Remember that this blog is my little mind dump and also realize that I’m tired and in school all day. I don’t really have anyone I’m close with that I can talk to, so I write. This is how it’s been for years, and this is how it’s going to continue to be most likely for some time. All right; I brought up the vague topic, now it’s time to narrow it down. I already said that I wanted to say something about women, but now I’m going to clarify myself and say that I’m going to write something about Asian women. I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, okay jeez hush now! I know. I talk about Asian stuff all the time. I talk about Asian cinematography from romantic Korean melodramas all the way to ultra-violent futuristic Japanese animes. I then go way out beyond all measures of sanity and write about Asian double upper eyelid blepharoplasty and surgical procedures performed on the epicanthic folds incessantly. I’m not going to even try to justify my actions. However, there is one thing specifically that has seriously been bothering me. I feel like I’m writing my blog in self-defense these days, because I feel some need to justify, prove, or exemplify everything I say about what I think in order to make other people agree with me. Well, agree with me they may not, but at least I’ll try my best to show them my world through my eyes. Okay, you ready now? The thing that’s been irritating me is simple. I really, really, really want people to stop joking about me and Asian women ‘together’. I know that because of simply who I am and the sort of movies I watch (and music, etc) people often attach the two groups in their own mind, but it’s something I find incredible and overwhelmingly frustrating. While I know that on the surface the people who say things (about me and Asian women) are just joking and probably have no idea what they’re really even saying, but I still find it really sad. I find it sad when people actually suggest that I am such a shallow person that I would actually be interested in a girl purely because of some ethnic background or family history that causes her to look or speak a certain way. People are saying more and more things lately (perhaps it’s just because I’m around people more lately though) and it’s really starting to get to me. I don’t want to be thought of as a really shallow person like that, and I feel chills down my spine every time someone suggests it by cracking some stupid Scott / Asian joke. Yes, I know what you’re going to say, “but Scott, you always say it doesn’t matter what other people think of you!” and under any other condition I’d completely agree with that statement, however, yes, it does matter what other people think. If I were ever in a relationship with a girl, what she thinks would matter. I would never date an Asian girl right now. I could never date an Asian girl right now! I couldn’t go through with it. Even if she were the nicest girl in the world, I would feel really, really bad for her every time she had to hear some stupid remark from someone I know. I would feel terrible if she ever thought that the reason I spent time with her was because of how she looked, and I couldn’t imagine what it would be like for her to think that I am more interested in what she looks like than who she is. That’s not something I want to happen, and that’s not something I’d want to have happen to any girl I spend time with. So, for now, for that reason alone I wouldn’t even consider dating an Asian woman. So, please, stop nagging me about it. It gets really, really old really, really fast. If you want to make fun of me, or say something funny, you can crack jokes about who I am and that is fine. But, so long as your neck is within reach of my grasp, do not even consider making fun of the girl who will be my wife.

Whoa, I went from lighthearted and spirited to deadly in that last paragraph. Oh well, I don’t think I’ll change it. I’m still considering erasing it, but I somehow don’t think I will. My Calculus II class starts in about ten minutes, so I’d better get packing up and headed over. I hope they hand the tests back today, because I could sure use that little warm feeling I get when I see a really high score on a test! I’ll probably come back here and finish this blog tonight and, if all goes well, post it on the site within a day. So, here I go to calc II… Okay, I’m back now. Yeah, you know that calc II test I “aced?” Uh huh, I got an 83 on it. I’m at a loss for words. I knew how to do every single problem and even did every problem correctly, but somewhere I made some incredibly stupid mistake that deducted three points here, four points there, five points there, and before you know it I’m looking at a B. My day has begun as a failure. I can not afford to get a B in this class. This is a five stinking credit class! That would really bring down my GPA. Man; that really sucks. Well, I can see that tonight I won’t be able to write much because I know I’ll be overloaded with schoolwork, so I guess I’ll go on and save this blog and post it tonight.

So, how’d you like the miniblog? Yeah I know, you’re used to reading (and I’m used to writing) blogs well over just a couple thousand words, but I think that for the thirty minutes I had to write this little sucker I did pretty well. It’ll be interesting to see what my blogreaders will have to say about my little wife comment. I know and see three people in real life who know about my website. I seriously doubt any one of them will read it, but if they do it will be very interesting to see if the topic gets mentioned. If not, and someone starts firing off a joke, I might release a little controlled blowup and see what happens. I’ve never defended myself on this area before, and I think it’s something I should start doing. I tried the “maybe if I ignore it, it’ll just go away” mentality, but it just made the problem worse (as it usually does). Oh well. I’ll write again this weekend, don’t worry. I may even write again before that. It just depends on school. So, until I write again, have an awesome day and stay safe! –Scott

Ahh, how nice it is to be writing here again! Let me tell you, I had one crazy week. I had three midterms all at the same time and I spent a lot of time working, but I pulled through and survived to blog another day! Unfortunately I haven’t created a list of topics to write about tonight, so I’m afraid I’ll be making this up as I go. Also, I’ll warn you in advance that I’m absolutely exhausted. I know, I know; I complain about being tired every single time I write. However there is reason beneath this excuse. I study in the day and write at night. My blogs are important to me, but they don’t come before school. That’s why I’ve trimmed it down to only writing once a week and usually on a Saturday night. Yep, I’ve got my priorities worked out. Sorry girls, it looks like I’m going to be spending my Saturday nights in a little quality one-on-one time with my blog. So, with no further adieu or lame excuses, on with tonight’s entry into nothingness.

Finally! Free time! This is the moment I’ve been dreaming about every night this week; the time I can spend to sit down here, write a little bit, and maybe even partake in a little game of Yahoo chess! However, mysteriously, I don’t like this feeling of not having anything important to do. I like being at school working on homework or spending time in the library memorizing stuff. The time I spend working by myself is what I find most relaxing. The time I spend doing nothing feels so boring and empty. I think it’s simply my personality. A year ago when I would spend my free weekends with intricate programming projects or something like that, so some things simply won’t change. I’m glad that I’ve been able to find ways to enjoy school, because otherwise the next ten years of my life would look much more bleak indeed. Then again, perhaps I’m living my life wrapped around my work and am missing something. This is a comment I get often from a plethora of different people with different backgrounds. I’m open to comments in this area and would much appreciate anything you have to say on the topic. One thing though; don’t bring up dating. I get so many stray comments in person and in emails containing little nagphrases (my new word for them) that suggest that I need to “get out” more or “meet a girl” or something. I’ve spend time writing about this in my blog, so I don’t feel the reason to repeat myself again. I’m sure my blog readers get tired of me talking about my wife (a woman who I have most likely not even met). All right, moving on…

So what’s been keeping you so busy? Well, as dumb and boring as it may sound, it’s school. I’ve been loaded right to my max (and at times, slightly over) the last week but managed to pull through all right. Tuesday morning I had a calculus II midterm which I think I totally aced! The professor even threw in an extra credit question which I’m confident I got right. Believe it or not, even though I’ve gotten an A in every math class I’ve ever taken, I have never gotten a perfect score on a math test before! The best score I ever got in a math test was a 98. It’ll be interesting to see what happens when I get the results of this test back. I’d like to think that I may have gotten a 100% or over, but I can’t let myself get too expectant of a perfect test or I’ll become disappointed when I get a 97 or some other ridiculously fine test score. I have bigger things to worry about, like Physics… more on this one later though. Tuesday afternoon I took my Biology I midterm and did pretty well on it. I ended up getting a 87 on my Biology midterm, which brings my class average to a 98% (I’ve been doing well on the other tests/quizzes and the guy gives extra credit). I don’t think I’ll have to worry about passing this class with an A. The scary thing is how few people did well on the midterm. Our grades are posted on the internet, so we can see everyone else’s grades semi-anonymously posted by their student ID number. Only two people in the class got A’s, two people got, B’s, and two people got C’s. The rest of the class got lower, which is a scary thought. Then again, the class is fairly small (26). Right now, I’m averaged as the third highest grade in the class which is a little disappointing considering that I’m supposed to be majoring in this stuff. However, it seems that this semester I know I have an A in this class and any more time I spend “perfecting” my scores will be to the sacrifice of my other classes. Chemistry II I’m doing fine in these days, and I have a test coming up in about a week. I know the stuff, and I feel good about it. Physics on the other hand, well let’s just say I lack confidence in this class. I’m usually pretty good at physics stuff and I learn well and I can do the math. I accept responsibility for my grades and whatever grades I make in this class, so when I talk about why I think the professor stinks I’m not trying to make it sound like he’s the reason I might get a B in this class. I don’t feel really good about the Physics test I took last Thursday. The professor does not teach (quite literally). He just works homework problems on the board that have already been assigned and that I have already worked. As far as the learning goes, it’s pretty much just the book and me working together. Then, when our tests are graded, the professor grades them completely inconsistently. He’ll mark 3 points off one person’s test and 7 points off another persons tests even though they have identically incorrect answers. Then, after the grades are shown to him, he refuses to change anything and tries to defend his grades. It’s a little frustrating to work with, but I think the problem simply has to be solved from my end. I need to get more serious about this class and spend more time working on it, so I know everything backwards and forwards. This material isn’t hard, so I have only myself to blame. So, with that self-confession off my chest, I’ll be able to push harder in this class and try my hardest to reclaim an A average in this class… something that will be difficult to achieve, but it just means I’ll have to work harder to obtain it.

What’ve you been watching lately? Well, believe it or not, I had somehow missed the piece of raw and pure American culture that is 2001 Space Odyssey. If you haven’t seen this movie, you haven’t missed much. That doesn’t imply, however, that it’s not worth seeing. This movie came out in the late sixties, almost a decade before Star Wars débuted. There is very little dialogue in this film, and about half of it consists of “Open the bomb-bay doors Hal.” The hours of empty dialogue are filled with a surprisingly large amount of classical music. It’s interesting how many times “The Blue Danube” is played throughout this movie. I would LOVE to watch Schubert watch this movie… but I guess that might prove to be slightly difficult with him being dead and all. Somehow, it seems to really fit well with the visual enormity of outer space scenes. I also enjoyed the creativity of the film, especially the opening scenes where the stewardess is wearing “grip shoes” in outer space. Also, I watched “A Tale of Two Sisters” yesterday. I was really, really impressed with this movie. I thought I had it all figured out half way through but then all the sudden the real story started developing and I was left murmuring “no way!” until the end. I thought the scene in the closing credits was really sad, where the girl is sitting alone on one side of the dock. Originally I thought this would be another teary drama, but I had no idea that this story was told (at times) like a horror film. I jumped really high at one point… I have to hand it to whoever thought of making “that hand come out”, I was totally not expecting that! So, there are my two movie recommendations for this week.

I want to see Ghost in the Shell 2! It’s out; I know it’s been playing in theatres in Japan for quite some time now. I think it might be a little while before it comes out on DVD, gets ripped and subtitled, and uploaded to the net… but I’ll be waiting! If you haven’t seen Ghost in the Shell 1, you’ve missed what I consider to be the panicle of groundbreaking computer and cell-drawn animation. This movie was really incredible when it came out, and certainly set a precedent for other serious ultra-violent sci-fi action films. One of the qualities that the original Ghost in the Shell movie had that I thought was so cool is the feeling of eerie emptiness. The way this movie was created shows slightly futuristic life in a huge city with many people living their lives. It gives this unexplainable yet unmistakable feeling that can only be conveyed by watching the film. The plot was pretty interesting too. In the future, people who were severely injured but could not pay the cost of their bionic replacements (missing limbs, torsos, etc) were fixed anyway, and lived their lives working for the police (who paid for their surgery). The twist comes from the fact that a large chunk of a person is now bionic and computer controlled. A mysterious character that goes by the alias “puppet master” begins hacking the computers that lie inside of people and therefore are able to control large aspects of their minds (essentially turning into puppets, hence the alias). I have no idea what Ghost in the Shell 2 will be about and I absolutely refuse to read reviews or anything else that could possibly spoil the story for me. Even if it seriously stinks, I want to watch it because I really liked the first one. If anyone has information about where I could obtain a good quality version of the second film (no, I’m not referring to the standalone complex) then contact me and we could work something out. If you haven’t seen the classic Ghost in the Shell, I highly recommend it. However, I will attach a disclaimer that says that this movie is not appropriate for younger audiences. It is, like I mentioned earlier, an ultra-violent action / suspense film with a lot of blood, a lot of gore, and occasional nonsexual cyborgal nudity. Just because this film is “animated” does not mean it’s suitable for kids. I just wanted to make sure I stated that clearly because many people in America see animation and think “cartoons” or they see Japanese-animated movie covers and think “anime” like pokémon or something. It’s hard to explain to people what serious animation is that targets older viewers, not kids. I think that a lot of people in the US have a hard time grasping it because they simply don’t understand it because they haven’t seen it. I often give up when I try to explain it to people, because I can’t seem to put it into words anyone can understand. A guy in my study group a few days ago started talking about the stupidity of foreign animated films and I was really close to trying to defend the genre, but I decided to just let it go and bit my lip. All right, I’ve spent long enough on this paragraph.

Okay, I’m going to go do some reading in one of my books. Remember when I got “Nineteen Eighty-Four” for my birthday a month ago? Yeah, I’ve been so busy I haven’t even had a chance to read the prologue yet. All right, I feel better now that I’ve blogged. It’s time to resume my life! I thank all of you who have been emailing me wonderfully encouraging emails, and I appreciate getting emails from people like yourself. So, until next week, stay save and have an awesome day! –Scott

Hi there and welcome to my little website. If you’re a regular visitor, you may have noticed a little change that happened yesterday. In a desperate attempt to change the appearance of this website a little bit (to keep it from getting old) I popped open photoshop and made a nice, clean, professional looking top image! I also removed the menu (since it’s rarely used anyway) and moved it to a back page. Hopefully it’ll focus the attention to my blog and also give me a wider space to place my words! Enough with the tech talk. Tonight I’m writing as a simple break between Biology cramming and Calculus slaving. Impending midterms are steadily approaching, and dread is slowly converting to panic. I’m starting to feel pressured. It’s the pressure that it’ll take to drive me harder though, so I’m not necessarily complaining. However, I do need to resume my studies shortly, so I’ll do the best to write a full blog in the least amount of time. So, sit back, strap in, and get ready for another entry into the weekly journal of my life I call a blog!

Misia is awesome! I don’t know what it is about this singer; I can’t hear enough of her words (even though I don’t necessarily understand them). For those of you who are new to the Scott-music scene, I absolutely love listening to the voice of this one particular Japanese RNB-style singer, Misia. Her voice is probably the most distinguishable voice in Japanese contemporary music (despite the fact that many people would argue me on the grounds of Ayumi Hamasaki’s whiney voice). RNB is a genre that, in general, is categorized by the slow but emotional-jammed soul-style vocal music that is most often sung by black men and women. Quick deviant! I had someone actually email me and give me a hard time about be reference to a “black man” saying that it was a racist comment. While it was obvious that I didn’t at all mean it in a negative way, it was a curious thing to receive in my inbox. The sender said that I should refer to the person as an African-America. But… what if the dude lives in Japan? I’d have to call him an African-Japanese. What if the reader is Korean? Would he be an African-Korean to the girl reading my blog from Korea? My point is that I can’t use the term African-American in response to all people with dark skin tones. So, when I say black, it’s the best I can think of. If someone has a better idea, let me know. Back to the subject though, Misia is a Japanese woman, but she’s singing in a genre categorized by black singers. So, she fits the image. She’s certainly an interesting sight… a Japanese woman with a colored headband and dreadlocks. Though I digress, her looks are also fairly unique. Her nose is amazing. I read somewhere that she had reconstructive rhinoplasty because she was born with a malformed nose (which would explain her incredibly deep voice for a Japanese woman) but I’m skeptical. I haven’t been able to re-find that website, and when I search for Misia rhinoplasty only my website comes up (how cute!).

This woman is so cool! I know I keep coming back to her, but I really like listening to her voice. If I were a girl, I’d want to be named Misia. Okay, that sounded weird (de ja vu + nostalgia?). Anyway, I brought up the subject of Misia because I just got her new album Mars & Roses. Yes, that’s the title. Yes, the title is English. Yes, most of the songs’ titles are English too. I get this question a lot; “Scott, why do non-English songs have English titles?” Well, since English is the world-dominant language, if you want your products to sell around the world then you’ll make them so they can be packaged and searched for in English. Yes, people in most countries speak English. Did you know that there are more people in China than speak English than there are in America? Crunch those numbers. Anyway, her new album is pretty cool, and it’s fun being able to get new music of people I like (something that doesn’t happen with Classical composers). Speaking of which, do you know what Beethoven is doing right now? He’s not composing; he’s decomposing! Ha! Okay, I’d better move on….

postnote: I found a really good Misia fan site with pictures (extremely rare in Misia’s case) and cool information. Hey, Misia and I have the same blood type! … and I’m 4 inches taller. We’re compatible! ^_^

Okay, I am still getting emails about my old “hacking software”! It’s starting to get really, really old because I feel that I have to convert (away from hacking) every person who asks me about Venomcrack (an old program I coded to crack AIM accounts). The fact that I get the original emails doesn’t bother me that much; it’s usually the later responses I get. When I deny them help or resources, they usually get irritated and send me back hate mail. The thing that absolutely amazes me is the incredible low intelligence and common sense that is compressed in these emails. I think that America, in general, has gotten really, really stupid lately. Where are peoples’ dignities and self respect? There are times and places for slang and purposefully misspelled words, but when you’re trying to make a point in email (in this case the point is that I am an idiot) you should at least pretend to be intelligent. I judge people’s attitudes by the way they right. The words of a man are usually a pretty clear reflection of what is happening in his mind. Here is an example of a small portion of an email I got this week:

You can refer to me as Matt and I Totally understand where ya comming from and you make sence by stating how thiz effectz … i just simply interested in how things work and i admire u on your career change and hope the best for you in your goals that your persuing i mean the world needs more doctors and individuals practicing medicen then people who create destructive aol programs and miscellaneous [stuff] … have admirers sending you emailz and instant messages for tha work you already have done,created or modified and you reply back to your fans with harsh words your only making yourself look conceided and unkool, you may not notice that what you have created in the past for others has paved the way for future code makers, dilenquints,etc … i understand where your comming from and i have no objections to you posting our conversation. lol . i actually thought tha [stuff] would be kinda funny but send me a link to the site if you do and thank you for emailing me back dude atleast your showing some kind of interest in replying and if you can still provide me with any resources whatso ever i will highly apprecheate it

I counted twenty one misspelled words in that paragraph. That’s out of only 206 words. That’s averaging one misspelled word after every nine words. I don’t think I will even comment on the dire lack of a single mark of punctuation in that entire paragraph. Now don’t get me wrong here; I’m not saying that there’s necessarily anything wrong with casually writing words and incorrectly typing some of them. I know that I misspell words all the time! I also make typos and don’t re-read what I write, and I’m sure I come across as ignorant too sometimes. I would also understand these things if this were from a young child. Yet, do you know what I find so amazing? The person who wrote this is twenty seven. Twenty seven! I find it absolutely incredible and unbelievable that there are grown adults with professional careers that write emails to nineteen year old coders with the language of an eight year old. Do you want to know the scary thing? This is the caliber person who’s trying to hack your computer folks. These are the people who are asking about my programs. I still get a fairly large amount of email from people asking about my old “hacking programs”, and this isn’t anything special. They all sound like this. That tells you something about those kinds of people. Script kiddies aren’t only kids; they’re also middle aged men acting like children.

postenote: I decided to reply to the last email I got from the man who wrote that I quoted in the paragraph above and send him a link to this website. It’ll be interesting to see if and what he responds or comments.

Uhoh, look who’s been reading strangers’ xangas! That’s right; I’m guilty. Sometimes, when I’m bored, tired, and want to relax, I find a xanga group with a lot of people in it and I just start clicking around. (Xanga.com is a blogging site, and ‘xangas’ is a term I use to refer to other peoples blogs) I love reading strangers’ blogs because it makes me feel more human. I can’t explain it. From a blogger’s point of view, reading other peoples writings makes me value my own ability and determination to sit down and write about what I think without constraining myself to the limitations of normal people (tiring after five hundred words). While some may argue that I’m the unhealthy one, I don’t mind it because I love bogging so much. How else do I express myself? I otherwise lack my incivility; other people pick out my clothes, my grades aren’t something I want to flaunt (right now I have a B (!) in physics), and I’m not exactly around more than two or three people at one time. My words on my website are the only way I feel I can let my words flow freely and have them impact the thoughts (or in some cases, lives) of others. It’s interesting to me that I get so many hits. I realize that I’m speaking in relative terms, because it’s not uncommon for a blog to pull in over a million hits a year, but those are subject oriented blogs that have a purpose and things to offer to their visitors. I only offer my words and my thoughts. Yet, in the last year or so I seemed to have pulled in more than two hundred and thirty thousand website hits. For those of you wanting to see the current total, scroll to the bottom of any page on my website and, bingo! Oh jeez, I’m getting off the topic here. Speaking of getting off the target, I think I’ll use the coincidental reference as an excuse to post a slightly funny picture by this paragraph. Awe; the little Asian baby got hit with a suction cup!

So, what kind of stuff do you read? Well like I mentioned earlier, I hop around blogrings. A blogring is a group of a lot of blogs (the ones I look at usually have 100+ blogs in them) that all joined the blogring for a similar purpose. Because I’ll sometimes get confused about or try to learn more about the transition of Asian culture into America, I’ve developed a (bad or addicting?) habit of hopping around Asian blogrings. While I certainly look at other blogrings, I’d say about a third of the websites I go to are written by Asian guys or girls. It’s not that much of a surprise though, because an incredibly high percentage of the xanga user base is actually Asian. Anyway, back to my point. This week I went around and found a blog ring that had students in medical school, and it was really cool to read the lives of other people in their varying levels of becoming a doctor. However, there’s one blog that I was amazed to have stumbled upon. The blogger has a xanga id of “lloydbanks771” and the thing that made it so crazy is his birthday; 1995. The dude is nine! I have to respect anyone who has a running blog at nine years old. He had a picture up a few nights ago, but it seems to be down now. Maybe he’s doing it to protect himself, I don’t know. Anyway, I just thought that was interesting. Oh yeah, I came across one girls xanga who posted a bunch of pictures of Asian babies. I figured that I’d copy one of them and post it on my blog to take advantage of the chick-magnet effect of masculine men (see any of those?) presenting pictures of cute little babies. (for you guys out there, I’m referring to infant babies, not “babes” who are girls in swimsuits or anything like that) All right; I talked about the xangas, the people, the babies… I guess I’m about done talking about xangas.

I’m incredibly unsatisfied with my Biology professor! Before I start talking about why, I’d like to start of by saying that this guy is one of the nicest professors I’ve ever had and I’ll tell you that he loves his work and that class is fun and he surely makes it easy to do well in that class. Every week he hands out a sheet of about one hundred (curiously quasi-abstract) questions and provides the answers to them on his website. I go through, even week, and copy the questions and answers to note cards, and then proceed to memorize the note cards. Every Friday we get a quiz which is twenty questions right off the sheet he gave us. They’re multiple-choice questions too, how easy is that? I didn’t know that it was how he did his quizzes the first week, so my first quiz score was pretty low. However, I have a 97 average currently in this class from the quizzes (and a lot of 100% weekly lab grades). All I have to do is read his sheet of questions, memorize the complicated answers, and be able to regurgitate them on the tests to get an A. For example, he might have a question about a certain process and the answer talks about photophosphorylation. I can regurgitate all the facts about the process including mentioning that photophosphorylation plays a big roll in it, and I can get an A on the quiz. Do I ever learn what photophosphorylation even is? No. Do I even learn a single thing in this freaking class? No. I’m memorizing everything, and learning absolutely nothing. I’m trying to read the Biology book to try to get some insight on it, but reading it is like reading a textbook (go figure?) where I’m retaining almost nothing of it purely from reading it. This professor is nice and fun and he’s an easy A, but I’m getting really, really disturbed by the fact that I’m not learning a single thing from his class! It wouldn’t be so bad if I were an engineering major or something like that, but I’m trying to get into medical school here. I’m biology major! I need to, you know, learn a little about biology?! This class (or the relative absence of it) might come back to haunt me.

All right, let’s see here… I talked about Misia, I wrote about xangas, and I even covered about how I wish my class load could include learning more (whoa, that’s a first!). I’d say it’s about time to start wrapping-up and getting back to my calculus. If you’re a praying man or woman, pray for me over the next week. I could surely use it. If you’re interested about Misia, xangas, or any of the other stuff I ranted about tonight, feel free to contact me through the comments section of this post or through personal email. Though I’m super busy these days, I try to check my mail at least twice a day. Until next weekend, I hope you have an awesome Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. Keep safe, and don’t study too hard! (like I have to worry about THAT) Have a good one –Scott

Ha! You assumed I’d forget. You silly person; I never forget anything! All right, you probably know better. However, for today I have a boost of confidence and a brighter outlook on life because I got further ahead in my schoolwork than I planned to. So, with the sudden lightening of my burden my eyes have been opened and I see the light of relief gently beaming on my chest as I listen to my reverberating heart saying “blog blog… blog blog… blog blog”. Hey, you know what they say! “Listen to your heart.” Actually I think that was Jiminy Cricket on a Disney sing-a-long video. Whatever the case, here I am at last and in a good mood and ready to write. So, sit back, and prepare to have absolutely no idea what the heck I am talking about for the remainder of this one-dimensional dialogue.

Life is awesome! Actually, this was a subject of question that arose earlier today. Where are my manners, allow me to back up and introduce myself. For those of you who are new readers, I’m Scott. I write in my blog (a slang word for a web-log) every once and a while about nothing important. I use it as my brain dump and spill out whatever I’ve wanted to SCREAM about all week but for whatever reason haven’t found the time, place, or innocent victim to dump all this on. Okay, back to the subject. Someone today brought up the question “What would it take for you to be happy?” The question was not initially directed at me, but I couldn’t seem to shrug it off nonetheless. This is one of those chest-impact questions I talked about a few blogs ago (when I talked about the subject of what you want to do before you die). I couldn’t answer this question quickly, because I had so many thoughts floating around I wanted to express. Unfortunately, my mouth is smaller than my brain so when I try to spill-out a complicated string of ideas it starts spinning in a vortex and nothing makes sense. So, I take my pent-up frustration and my collected thoughts here! Ahh; the beauties of blogging are wonderful! So, how would I respond to such a question? I don’t know, let’s ask it.

“Scott, what would it take to make you happy?” Hey, how did I know you were going to ask? My answer is simple; nothing! I’m happy right now with who I am, what I’m doing, and where I’m going. I have a past that I look at and learn from; a past that doesn’t hinder or scare me, but one that teaches me and pushes me to become more than I was yesterday. I have a present that’s awesome! Every day I’m doing something new, learning something different, and actually regularly meeting ‘normal’ people for what seems like the first time in quasi-recent memory! Here I’ll take time out for a disclaimer. When I was in middle school, I really didn’t like “other people” because they all seemed so superficial (to my (shallow) mind) and purposefully (but gently) distanced myself from them (like eating lunch in the cafeteria at a table where I knew no one from my grade would sit (something to this day I still don’t know why I did)). When I was home schooled in high school, thinks worked well but I wasn’t around people much. I didn’t mind it though. I know someone’s going to bring up the track team. I guess it’s the closest stab to socialization that I’ve got going for me through high school, but to me forced social interaction does not count. In fact, I think it counts as negative tally marks! For every person I’m forced to be around, it counteracts the positive effects of normal and healthy socialization. Okay, I need to back up. See? I’ve done it again! I’m fallen down the hierarchical staircase and gotten so deep in tangents that I forgot what I was talking about. Oh yeah, what makes me happy. I’m around “other people” who seem nice. I’m doing well in school. I have enough money to feel comfortable knowing that I could get pretty much anything I wanted (if, by some strange incident, I actually wanted something). I have an awesome stable family and I always have a home to come to. I often feel bad listening to stories and situations of other people because I haven’t had to struggle for basic life needs in my childhood. However, I try to always remind myself of how awesome I really have it, and I try to put my life in perspective so I can truly appreciate it. So, I have a good past, I have an awesome present, and I’m working every day toward my future. I just turned nineteen, and I’m in college studying and preparing for medical school! I’m going to become a doctor, how cool is that? So, what makes me happy? Life does! My life makes me happy just the way it is today, and I find it awesome that I’m able to work for a future where I can be a doctor and help other people to hopefully impact their lives in a positive way too. I’m happy in who I am, where I am, when I am, as I am, and I’m happy to be preparing for a future career that can spread my happiness to others.

Time for report cards! No, I didn’t really a report card or anything like that. I just thought it’d be a good idea to write a little bit about what school’s like these days. I went back today and read some old blogs posted about a year and a half ago when I first started taking college classes and was knocked over by a tsunami of nostalgia! Actually, nostalgia is a positive word… not that my experience was negative or anything. I’m trying to search for a way to release my mental thought with my tongue, but English (as any spoken language) is so unfortunately limited by words and phrases that I fear I have little choice but to try my best with what I’ve got to work with. “I’m glad to be who I was but I am even more I’m glad for who I am.” Okay, I know you all hate it when I get all mushy poetic on you guys. I guess that sort of thing happens when you sit around on Friday nights watching Korean romantic melodramas by yourself! While we’re at the subject, I know I’ve totally screwed-up my mind with those stupid films. Okay, I apologize. They’re not stupid; they’re beautiful! …but they’re not real! My brain knows they’re not real and my mind knows that they could never happen by my heart lives in denial. There you go again Scott! You’re so stupid, why can’t you just write like a normal masculine teenage guy? Seriously, you are way too- Shut up! Ghaw; I hate it when STP (Scott in the Third Person) butts in without permission. Where was I? Oh yes! These movies have really messed me up. I’ve written about this countless times before, but I never seem to learn from my own words. I keep exposing myself to these films that change my outlook on so many things. Okay, I need to break off a paragraph and then return to the topic of school. So, this will be my…

mid sentence paragraph break! For those of you who only skim my blog and read the first sentence of each paragraph, here I’ll be talking about how Korean romantic melodramas have rewired my brain and caused me to think so deeply of and breath so too much into the whole plethora of subjects relating to “relationships”. Most of my blog readers know that I haven’t exactly been in a lot of relationships lately (cricket… cricket… cricket…) but I see absolutely no need in forming a relationship purely for the sake of forming the relationship. Unless there are other motivations (like sex or heightened popularity) I don’t see why anybody (and yes, I’m using a sweeping blanket for literally anybody) would start in a relationship with someone if they don’t plan for it to go anywhere. Notice that I started that previous sentence with “I don’t see why”… which doesn’t mean that I think it’s necessarily wrong or that I think other people might have their own reasoning. I’m just saying that for me, that’s not going to happen. I’m saddened by the situation of ‘dating’ in America. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, just turn on the TV. Oh yeah, a super quick disclaimer: what I’m talking about only technically applies to teenagers and young adults; I don’t think I’m in a position to be one to speak on middle-age dating. (Although at my rate, hit this blog in 20 years and you can get the lecture!) Okay, anyway I think it’s really sad to see people rushing out to have a girlfriend or boyfriend purely for the sake of having one. They seem distraught without one and, if left for a few days without one, desperately seek a new one. While I realize I’m quoting from the extremes of teenage tendencies, the point I’m trying to convey is simple. For me, I don’t want to waste my time, energy, and emotion on a ‘relationship’ that could go nowhere. No, long distance relationships don’t go anywhere. I’m not saying they can’t happen, but I’m saying that they don’t progress (‘normally’). Plus, I would feel really bad if I were in a relationship with a girl and not be able to spend much time with her. I couldn’t imagine what it’s like to be a person separated from your girlfriend or boyfriend for long periods of time. Also, as a casual premise, I don’t even let myself get ‘interested’ in any girl that I wouldn’t want to date. Right there is a really, really big thing for me. I don’t know why other people let themselves get all worked up over some guy or some girl that would never work with them. While I acknowledge (and feel compassion for) the person in their ‘anguish’, I think that prevention is the key. So, never get interested in someone you’re not going to date. The sister rule to this (for me) never to start dating someone I wouldn’t be interested in marrying. I know, I know, you can stop yelling at me. Hey, throwing objects at your monitor does NOT help the situation. I get a lot of people upset with me every time I say that. Allow me to defend myself! If you have something important to say (or contradict me with) your comments are more than welcome in the comments box. Okay, the reasoning behind this is simple. Eventually (probably, at least) I’m going to be married. I’m going to be married to a woman who I will call my wife, and me relationship with her will be something special; something that I will have (quite literally) prepared for all of my life to be in. At the present time, I’m pretty sure that this woman (who I am “working so hard for”) is a girl I have never met. She’s out there; all I have to do is find her. Why would I cheapen our relationship (our being the one with my wife) by frivolous relationships created for the sake of their own being? I know I’m really stepping out on a limb here, but doesn’t that seem really, really selfish to you? Maybe not, maybe I’m just whacked out beyond belief. Okay, so how do these Korean movies fit in? They don’t. I just wanted an excuse to say the word sex in my blog. No, not really. I think that these movies incline me to oh my gosh! Woo Hoo! I’m at the two thousand word mark. Okay, where was I? Oh yes; these movies incline to expect absolutely amazing things to happen and shoot beyond reality while I limit-out people purely for the sake of mild personality imperfections. What am I trying to say? I guess I’m trying to say that I think I’ve been too hard on people lately, and I need to lighten up. I need to stop avoiding people who I don’t necessarily want to be around, and just live life knowing what I know and standing firmly in what I believe in. I need to stop being so overly critical on people who simply are who they are, and I need to live my life being me. The chips of stamp-like future have been tossed in the air for me not to catch, but to allow to land where they may. =o)

Scott, you’re crazy. Oh yeah, back to the school stuff. Calc II is pretty easy, but I’ve fallen slightly behind in my homework. I’ll be caught up by tomorrow though. I have a test this Thursday, so I need to start preparing for that. I turned-in my salami curve project a few days ago and today I found (to my “oh crap!” surprise) that I made a pretty bad typo on one of the pages that may significantly would impact my grade if he reads it and assumes that I actually thought what I typed. (I said something like “derivate it with respect to ‘h’ about 5 times (meaning to say ‘s’)). Oh well. Oh man, you have to hear what happened in Chemistry II class last Friday! Last Wednesday our professor says “I’ll be out for a week but you’ll have a quiz over chapter 14 on Friday”. I assumed he meant this Friday. However, he actually meant the following Friday. Crap! If only I had known. I panicked Thursday night when I got home and started to look for my Chemistry books to study from. I left them at the school! There I was, Thursday night ready to study for Chemistry, with a quiz Friday morning, only to realize I left my materials at the school. I decided that I couldn’t do anything, so I went to sleep immediately so I’d be well-rested when I got up at five-freaking-thirty am! I left the house in the early sixes and got to school by about 6:45am. My test was at 9:00am. I had two hours to study. I found my books and started cramming. I had some example problems (with answers) to work… but… I couldn’t figure out how to do them! I read, studied, read, and studied some more. I looked at the clock. Thirty minutes left. I frantically tried to do problems and kept getting all of them completely wrong! I couldn’t even get a single problem to work-out correctly. I couldn’t figure out what I was doing wrong! Finally they started to work, and five minutes left until class started I felt a sick gut feeling about this quiz. I need an A in this Chem. II class (as with all the classes I’m taking now) and I’m already on somewhat uneven ground in this class. Anyway, I get to school and find out that the test is the following week and feel simply retarded. Guess what the lecture was on that morning? Yep, everything I SLAVED over that morning. I’m such a moron sometimes.

Hey, I got some good grades in that class! I just got the results back on my first major Chemistry II exam. I got a 92, which is pretty bad (a low A doesn’t average in very well) but when I saw the spread of the grades I was shocked. The average grade was a 62. My grade was the third highest in the class! (out of 46 students that took the test). I feel pretty good about how this professor tests now and can take better notes, study more precisely, and prepare for his next tests a lot better knowing what his tests are like. Hmm, this is a worthless paragraph. I’m going to leave it as it is and move on.

Uhoh! I haven’t been watching the time! I need to go so I can get to bed early and wake up refreshed tomorrow. I’ve been seriously neglecting my body this week by depriving it of sleep and not giving it proper food. This sort of thing happens every weekend though. I start to get sick on Friday, but if I start eating well, lighten up a bit (stress weakens your resistance to sicknesses), I pull through every time unscathed. So, with no further adieu, I bid thee good night! Have a good day and have a great weak. I doubt I’ll have time to write again before next Friday, so keep this website company by writing your thoughts in the comments section. Oh yeah! My last sound clip of Glenn Beck was popular, so I’ll upload a clip that made me laugh for ten minutes. You just have to listen to it. It’s hilarious! To download it, click the link on the right. All right, until next week, stay safe and be cool! –Scott

I’m absolutely overloaded with school and homework right now. I know this is a sorry excuse for a blog, but since I don’t have time to write this Friday I’ll do the next best thing. I’ll upload a downloadable sound clip! Don’t worry; I’m sure I’ll make up for the absence of my normal-length post with an entry posted this weekend.

Now, what’s this clip about? I taped it off the radio. It’s really worth listening to. It’s less than 15 minutes and less than 5mb so it’s quick to download and easy to listen to. What is it?

Glenn Beck talks about John Kerry, George Bush, MTV, and the draft…

Listen to it! Let me know what you think =o) Have a good one! –Scott