As I sit here and begin to write my make-up post for the last several days, I’m stuck by an overwhelming sense of discouragement. The fact that I haven’t written in a few days doesn’t seem to bother me; rather the fact that I don’t seem to care anymore. However, everything came together perfectly and I saw it: A life. Not a large one, or very interesting one, but an undeniable life it was! In the past, I used my blogs as ways to live vicariously through the sores I made up and wrote and through the people who would find me through these curious little masterpieces. Wow, I just sad it didn’t I? Yes, I make them up. I make my own life feel more interesting by creating a spectacular event and writing in all the fictional details about a story that derives from an event that really happened to me. The coke in math class, the old friend I met in the grocery store, the girl who said she thought I was sweet – it was all made up. Or.. was it? Dare I tickle your mind with the possibility that I’m lying about lying? It’s seem logical that I’m not telling the truth in this paragraph. Oh how much work I would have to go through to keep it all up! How could I live with myself, letting other people take the things I write for truth? I actually had some intention to the direction of this paragraph when I began writing it, but I chose to dodge the point and work around the fleshy little details before getting into the heard of the matter. Possibly in a future entry, all right? I have too much to talk about tonight! I’m starting this blog incredibly early Monday morning and planning to finish it Monday afternoon before work. I doubt I’ll be able to blog Tuesday night (I’m often exhausted after my night classes) so take this entry as double blog to count for tomorrow too. Oh, don’t worry, I’ll be sure to extend it’s length to do it justice =o)

Classes.. oh the classes! Thankfully, my year this year seems to be pretty straightforward. I don’t [for]see any tricky professors or hidden difficulties in all of the classes. Unlike one of my [stupid] classes last semester, I think my As will be obtainable [through work] with out much problem. My 2 maths are great, my world lit is dumb, my programming class is a cinch, my economics class is really straightforward, and Chemistry is fun! “Hey wait there just a minute Scott, I thought you said you weren’t doing too hot in Chemistry class?” Yeah, well, I did say that didn’t I. However, I’ve since put some time into studying for that class and I know everything up to this point and I feel pretty good about it. The labs are easy (thank goodness I have a nice / smart / sane lab partner). After the last class we ended up doing our homework together in the library. It was a little bit ironic, I thought. She knows nothing about me really… she didn’t realize how odd it was [for me] to be doing anything ‘with’ a girl ^_^ I wonder how things would [will?] change if [when?] she starts to get to know me better and finds out how boring I really am XD I don’t really do a whole lot with other people people… Things are slowly changing though! I still naturally don’t go out and do things with people on my own… I have to push myself out the door sometimes ^_^ I’ll go on and congratulate Jon L (his site is on the left of this page in red “azn/euro”) for getting me out of the house 2 nights ago! Hey, I think this deserves a new paragraph.

“You went somewhere on a Friday night!?” I know, shocking huh? I haven’t done much in the last few months. Actually, I don’t think I’ve done anything in the last few months. Yeah, so, Jon L invited me to go with him to see the group of [mainly Asian] high school students he teaches on Friday nights at a church not too far from my house. I, in my natural reflexes, declined and explained that I had some work to do, but then he coaxed me into going by saying they’d be playing a foreign [Korean] movie that night. I decided to go. I already saw the movie too… I’m so lame ^_^ Anyway, I actually enjoyed myself. I hadn’t been around a group of people (15 or so?) in a really long time outside of class. I don’t know why that’s such a big deal to me, but something about it just is. Anyway, some of the lines I heard here and there were really funny and it just… it was cool. I met some people there who claimed to know me through my website and IM conversations a long time ago. This always scares me because I never know what [stupid] things I may have said on IM ages ago. They seemed like a pretty nice group of people.. none of them could believe I was older than Jon though. He’s a few months younger than I. He’s about 6′4” and I’m about 5′4”. I heard one of them say he thought I was fourteen. I look young sometimes, what can I say. Well, I can say a lot. In fact, I think it merits a new paragraph!

Scott, I’d look up to you, but you’re short. Actually, I’m not that short. I’ll hear someone mention something about it every once and a while. I don’t think I’m short, I just think everyone else is so darn tall! Someone a little while ago asked if it bothered me. I never even think about it in a bad way, I couldn’t care less =o) Actually, I like it. Sure, I can’t reach high cabinets, big shelves, and have to use the lowered urinal in the men’s restroom, but I can still play in the Burger King playground and move freely without getting stuck! It has it’s obvious advantages and disadvantages, but from a physical standpoint it really doesn’t affect me at all. One thing I do notice, however, is people’s instant perceptions of who I am as a person. Naturally, I look somewhat young for my age. Unlike some of the other eighteen year old guys with full beards and muscles the size of cantaloupes, I’m a little guy (a little over 100 lbs) who doesn’t exactly look college age. The most interesting thing [that has yet to really present itself in it's entirety] will be how to find women XD So many people turn away without thinking twice about someone who they think is significantly younger. I do it too, it’s a natural response. It’s just, err, I don’t know where I’m going with this, so I think I’ll just leave it there. Now, on the other hand, while we’re at the talking about my appearing young and it’s affects on women, why not go over the perks? Oh yeah, I could use them in evil ways to my advantage. Sneak in a friendship with a girl who thinks of you as “aww he’s such a cute little boy” then shock her with the intellectual maturity. Mua ha ha. Hmm, I guess I’d need intellectual maturity for that to work though. Oh well, it was worth a thought.

Scott, what’s up with girls anyway? Who said that? Humm, it certainly wasn’t me bringing up such a topic. But, since it’s been started, I guess it’d be shameful not to finish it now wouldn’t it? Oh well. I’m going to use the rest of this paragraph to talk about my dating life:

Get authentic Scott stuff! That’s right, you can own a piece of Scott’s life! In a few days, I’m going to be taking down one of my posters and signing the back of it (and front, if requested) and putting it up on Ebay! See the girl on the top left of my website? The one holding a gun? I have a poster of her! That’s right, you can buy a poster that Scott owned with her (in a miniskirt!) on it! How awesome is that? I predict there will be some fierce bidding on this baby, and it’s for a good cause! 100% of the money raised will go toward getting a nicer web cam that can take larger, clearer pictures. If the bidding gets high enough, I may even be able to purchase what I need to make it see in the dark with night vision! Wow, watch Scott sleep on the floor! If you’d like to contribute but don’t think you can afford trying to aggressively beat-out other people’s bids on the poster, I’m going to be selling [multiple] smaller items from my room too. It works out great for everybody! I clean my room, find people who want stuff, get money I can spend on a nice web cam, and benefit everyone who goes to my website ever again! I’m sure I’ll be able to come up with an awesome public recognition system too – that’s right, this thing is going to be fun! Get your Ebay accounts registered, this auction will be fierce!

Scott, make some friends! I know, I need to don’t I? /shrug/ My introvertedness is growing ^_^; I think making ‘friends’ with the people I meet through my website (over the Internet) is counterproductive. I need to get out more! I need to live life. I need to go some where and do some thing – just for a little dynamic activity in my life! Going to movies alone is good, but it gets so old after awhile. Plus, it’s kinda sad waiting in line seeing everyone else as a couple and trying to dodge the gay guys who wink at me. /twitch/ Ok, well it’s late (Sunday night) so I’m going to sign off now and finish blogging tomorrow afternoon, how’s that sound? Ehh, who cares. It’s my life. I’ll add pictures tomorrow too. Goodnight everyone!

Ok, I’m back; wasn’t it fast? Yeah, well, I just got out of my math class and I got home a little early. I have some schoolwork slash studying to do, so I probably won’t go to work until after lunch. My guess is that I’ll spend a few minutes writing here, then I’ll continue after I get back from work and my night class (back 10:15ish?). Ghaw, I have so much stuff to do for tomorrow. I can’t forget it or I’m doomed! Well, maybe not doomed… but it’d sure be nice to get a >50% score on the quiz [I think that] I will have tomorrow. Maybe I’ll get a 51%. Woo hoo! F+ baby!

Who am I? [Don't get all poetic on us!] Someone asked me this earlier, and when I gave them my name, that wasn’t enough. She repeated “no, who are you?” I’m not sure exactly what she meant, but I think she wanted me to describe myself. I said “I dunno” and left though (because this chick is freaky) but I couldn’t seem to stop thinking of the question. What if someone else asks me this question in the near future, what do I say? I’m Scott. I have no life. I’m a guy who looks a lot younger than he is who has little in his life outside of school, work, and his projects; but it’s all I need to be happy. I live vicariously through stores I read, hear, and watch, often aspiring to be like one of the characters I’m presented with. I love light music with a female voice in it, preferably not in English. I don’t have any close friends, though I much desire for this to change. I don’t really talk [in the flesh] to a whole lot of people. I rarely feel comfortable in groups of people my own age, but I can usually hide the awkwardness behind a self-induced mask of outgoingness. I don’t date… I never really did… Though this is surprisingly by my own choice. Not that many girls tell me they want to date me, but quite a few girls say they want to marry me. I guess I’m pretty boring to be around at first, but my personality flips are interesting in themselves. Set me in the right place and I’m a totally different person. [At this time] I most value the time when I’m alone, because it gives me time to clear my head and relax. I think a lot in my solemness. Lots of my views unpopular around some (reflecting those of a far right-wing conservative) but I hold my values and beliefs strongly. I don’t like people who say one thing and do another. I don’t men who disrespect women. I don’t like when people talk about be behind my back. People who hold countless short term relationships annoy me. Immature people frustrate me. When I’m tired, lonely, or sad, I hide in my room. I find the beauty of a woman lies within her eyes. I love the sound of rain on my window. I love the taste of sourdough bread on a cool day. I like walking alone at night and looking at the sky with my hands in my pockets. I love dreaming about things that could never happen. I love seeing a soft smile cast at me for no reason. I love my life and the way it is, and wouldn’t change one thing even if I were given the chance.

Oh yes, that reminds me. I never finished that new “about Scott” page. It’s done. I just need to implement it now. It’s added to my list, but I don’t know when I’ll be able to get to it. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how my website is affecting some peoples’ views of me as a person. What side effects does reading my website inflect on the people who recently met me? How much differently would they think of me. Would reading my website allow them to know me better… or would it fill their head with illusions? Should I keep my website secret from everyone I meet? Should I keep my site away from just a few of the people I meet? How do I know who to tell about it, and who it should be kept from? How do I respond to someone who said they just saw [and read] my website? What do I do if I just want to be friend with someone without my mind getting in the way ^_^ I have to be careful what I write so I don’t give the wrong impression(s) to people who may only take the time to read one or two paragraphs. What a horrible thing it would be to lose a potential close friend because of a misinterpretation of a small section of text I wrote months ago. What is my best plan? I’m thinking I should become pretty good friends with someone before I mention the fact that I have a website that draws twenty thousand people a month to read the nothingnesses of my strange life. It sounds weird when I put it that way. I guess I just need to lighten up and realize “hey, it doesn’t really matter” and just live life. =oD

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