Archive for December, 2003

Ok, feast your eyes on this picture. Click it to make it big in a popup window. See anything new? The tv? nope. I had that for a while. The computer on the bottom shelf? Nope, that’s my home-brewn divx player! I’ve had that forever. It’s really cool. Anyway, yeah, so is it the DVD player? Getting warmer, but nope, that dvd player I got a few weeks ago. It wasn’t working (the laser wouldn’t sync up with the discs) but I fixed it. Woohoo! Scott conquored and fixed an optical device (something I’m netorious for screwing up) Ok, I won’t leave you guessing any longer. In fact, you’ve most likely figured it out already. Take a look beneath the dvd player. Tadaa! A mini-fridge! That’s right, one of my professors gave me a minifridge!

Ok Scott, how’d you manage that?! Well it was actually kinda random. You see, I finished my final exam for the class last Tuesday and was waiting outside the myth class (where I was to take the next exam). This professor’s office is right by the bench where I was sitting. From what I’ve come to understand, the bottom floor of the building is being renovated and because of that all of the people who have offices on that floor will have to be moved to cubicles in portables. Because of the lack of space, he was having to throw away some of the stuff in his office. He poked his head from around the wall and said to us “hey, anyone want a tripod or a table or some other stuff?” and being the cheap man I am I got up and went to look at the table. I was thinking about computer-part storage XD. Anyway, I declined, and then he’s like “how about a mini fridge?” and I thought he was joking. I wanted a mini fridge for years! So I said “are you serious?” about twenty three times, and then he showed it to me and I took it to the car (on row two hundred and something) and was like… sweet! I could feel myself walking with a (non-homosexual) bounce in my step with a grin on my face as I went back to my myth class =oD A mini fridge! From my math professor! For free! Ahh, the cheap-man’s dream.

Scott, you’re kidding me. What the heck are you going to do with a mini fridge? Well originally, my first thought was “oh wow, I finally get to build a computer inside of a fridge like I’ve alays wanted!” Ok, yeah, I know, I’m sick. But Iet me at least try to defend myself on this one. Computers’ limits on core processing power is first limited by the amount of heat that is generated. If a processor gets too hot, it can’t function correctly. The colder it’s kept, the faster you can get it to run. So, computer in a fridge could be cool, right? Yeah, well, ever leave a piece of warm metal in the cold one day? Water condensation gets all over it. In the case of a computer, it’d fry it. I’d have to run a dehydrator in the fridge, and after a while googling I’ve concluded that the whole pc in a fridge thing is just too much work. yes, I’ve seen it done in pictures, but it’s a ton of work. So, with that out of the way, I guess I now have a place to put my drinks. Well, ok, so I could just walk to the kitchen. Let’s see here. Ahh I know! On hot summer nights, I just open the door and a wave of cool air will pour over me! Since I sleep on the floor right next to the fridge, it’d be perfect. Although, I think this would be a waste of space, power, and sanity. Realistically, like many other things in my room (couch, dresser, tv,e tv, etc) I’ll just save it as my own so I have something to take with me when I move out. If the professor that gave it to me happens to stumble upon this page, I wanna say “thanks again!” No other teachers I’ve had gave me refrigerators =oD Yeah, so, now I’ve just talked two paragraphs about a stinkin’ mini fridge. I’m sure you don’t even care. Ok, moving right along…

FINALS! FINISHED! woohoo! Yeah well let’s see where do we start? How about cronologically? Yeah, that’s good. Thismorning I took my Music Appreciation final and wow was it easy! It was literally both tests we had taped together. Same pages, questinos, and answers. It was amazing! Needless to say, I fealt really good after having taken that test. Next, I had my US Govornment test. AWESOME! The image on the left is a re-creation of the scantron sheet I handed in to my teacher. Why did I do such a silly thing? Well, I’ll tell you. The teacher has a “drop the lowest grade” policy and, well, I made As on all my tests so far. So, I was garunteed an A in that class, and whatever I made on the final would be dropped. So, I showed up, signed my name on a scantron sheet, made a creative little smiley face (pictured) and walked out! I wish I could have seen the prof’s face when he saw it =oD The classmates certainly got a kick out of it. I almost did a silhouette of a woman, but I decided aginst it because it would be a little over-suggestive (points, etc) anyhow, yeah, I surely fealt good after that test! Then, finally, I took my myth class. I am going to get a B in this stupid class. gawh, I hate the teacher. He makes it easy to pass the class, but I worked like a madman and couldn’t pull an A -_- he really harshly graded my papers, and it was really stupid. I found out near the end of the year that the more you talked about sex in your papers, the higher he graded them. Literally, there was a direct relation beteween how much you talked about sex and the grade you got! This teacher is whacked man. What a loser. B. pfft

I got asked to leave the school library today. I was really bored while waiting between two of my exams so I decided to use the computers in the school library. I ended up going there once in the moring, and once in the afternoon. The second time I was there I became bored and pulled up bash.org and started reading the random >0 posts. warning: NEVER read bash.org if you’re in a library. I couldn’t contain myself XD I kept laughing! Really loud too… which is weird for me, because I rarely laugh, much less loudly. Anyway, so, yeah, the people around me got pissed to a point where I valued my life and decided to leave. Unlike the title suggested, I didn’t get ‘kicked’ out of the library, but it certainly got you to read this paragraph now didn’t it!

So what now?! Well, um, I haven’t decided yet. I am going to go do something fun tonight. Something like maybe.. watch a movie? by myself? XD I’m going to cut off this blog early, so don’t harass me about it =op I have some cool little ideas for this site, and they’ll unfold over the break. I also have some great ideas about the LCD project(s). But I’ll get to those soon. Oh yeah, AimPoo is going open source! Did you know? Well, it is. Ok, I know this is a chopped off post, but I feel tired ot writing. G’night everyone.

ps: I got new pics of my room so be sure to check them out!

postnote: I just emailed a thank you to my professor for the fridge. nice, don’t you think? I should have stopped there. But no. I… well… I got carried away. From here on is the email I sent him. Maybe you’ll get a kick out of it. I hope he thinks it’s funny… or at least excuses it as post-final exam strest relief.

Hi [professor]. This is you refrigerator speaking. I wanted to say that I miss
you, but I thoroughly enjoy my new home. I’m sorry you had to give me up,
but do I realize that it was for the best. I truly think that I will be
happier this way. sniff Thank you for understanding. I had my new owner
take a picture of me for you to see. You can now sleep in peace knowing that
I am safe.
http://www.swharden.com/tmp/room/dec03/fridgeNdvd.jpg
(The unusual item on top of me is a DVD player in mid-operation. My new owner
is weird like that, but I’m sure I’ll get used to him)
goodbye, forever
love, your refrigerator

Hi, I’m Scott, and you know who you are. I love that line. However, I regret to inform you that I didn’t make it up. I heard it on Japan-A-Radio while listening to AITLL’s ad. If you don’t know what that is, then maybe you should tune in more, humm? Tonight I duscuss lots of crazy topics including my new years resolution, my new about page, peoples’ voices, and how I write blogs that are so long. I suggest you run to the kitchen, grab a drink and some crackers, and hurry back and read tonight’s blog. I’m sure we’re going to have lots of fun together!

Wow, let’s see now, where to begin? Oh yes, what I did today. I always start with that. So, yeah, I did almost nothing today. I stayed at home, babysat, and spent a few hours studying for 3 finals I take tomorrow. But do you know what the good thing is? I am free! I will never open another music appreciation, world myth, or comp II book as long as I live! After tomorrow’s finals, I’m done with school until Jan 12′th! How fun is that? I go at 9:15 tomorrow for my first final, take another one at 11:30, eat lunch, and finish up with a final at 4:00. Oh yeah, I almost forgot the coolest part! I emailed my US Govornment professor about my current grade in the class. I’ve gotten 100% on two exams, and very high As on the other two. I attended every class, and turned in my papers on time. This teacher’s policy is your lowest grade gets dropped. He said that since I have an A in the class, if I show up for the final and turn in a blank answer sheet with my name on it, it’ll be the dropped score and I can pass this class with an A! Woohoo! So I don’t have to worry about studying for that test! What an awesome feeling it’ll be to walk in, write my name on a test, and turn out the door and wave to all the losers who have to take the final! mua ha ha ha ha!

Ok, on a totally different note, I just finished my semi-daily deviating. Man, I love this site! The images are really cool to look at and I love browsing them and reading the comments and checking out artists galleries and stuff… but it also makes me really sad sometimes. Some of the images I see do an incredible job of expressing concepts (emotion? ehh, bad word) that I cannot communicate in words. I always wanted to be able to draw.
But, as it goes, I stink at art. Completely. 100%. I can’t even draw stick people. You don’t believe me? Next time you see me, walk up and say “yo Scott! the hot one!” and i’ll turn around and be like “hey, ’sup” and you will go “hey draw a stick person” then listen for my answer. I’ll betcha that I’ll be like “no man, I can’t draw stick people”. But you never know, I guess you’ll have to ask me sometime. Ok, before I scare myself even more, I’ll just roll right along to the next paragraph.

Next semester looks… interesting. I think it’ll be pretty easy. I’m in a lot of classes that will take some time, but not be THAT hard I think. Famous last words, right? Yeah well, 2 of my classes are maths, 1 is a computer class. Right there I’ve got it made. Another one is Chemistry, which will be intersting (I’ve always loved chem). I have world lit (ugg!) which might prove to be a little boring. And, oh yeah, economics. Alltogether the six classes add up to 19 hours which is the maximum amount I can take in one semester X_x I’ll be able to handle it though… /gulp/

TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!! So, I am almost done with this semester, and the next semester starts in a month, what’m I going to do in all the time between? Humm.. good question! Christmas break, what do people do on Christmas break? I think I’m going to put some time into my little LCD project. Maybe (who knows?) I’ll get out of the house. Maybe I’ll meet someone? pfft yeah right. Well, being the boring lifeless person I am, I’m going to leave this up to YOU! That’s right. you, the reader! It is your responsibility to comment what you think I should do over christmas break. I’m sure I’ll probably regret having just said that, but hey, it’ll be fun =oD

Uh oh… what do I want for Christmas? Wow, I’m hit with this one every year. Last year, I got nothing ^_^ Actually, I got an IOU, which I used in August. But IOUs to unwrap on Christmas morning are very boring. My current dual-item list includes a small soldering station and a (working) volt meter. These are two things I’ve always had that barely work because they are so bad. I could really use some new ones. But hey, like above, why don’t ya’ comment if you have any cool little ideas for what I should ask for for Christmas. ^_^

Speaknig of comments… wow. You guys sure poseted a lot yesterday. What’s it at now, 54 comments? that’s crazy! It’s kinda cool though. I wonder where this site will go in the future? In one year, in two years, in five years… Will I still have scott is hot dot com? I wonder how many hits it will get. I wonder who will comment? I wonder what the heck I’ll write about. In twenty years will I be here typing like “I ate oatmeal for breakfast. my daugher just turned nine today.” I’m faced with the ultimate conclusion that this blog will not last forever. However, my only shred of hope lies in the possibility of me making a newsletter. Not like email. I mean, a real newsletter. My great uncle sends a newsletter out to all of his family and friends twice a year telling everyone what he has done and what he plans to do. Everyone thinks it’s really weird, but I think it’s cool. Wait. No. I think it’s weird. But I think it’s cool even though it’s really weird =o)

So what’s this about a new about page? I think it’s time to rewrite mine. I wrote it well over a year ago (I only changed the age when I turned 18) and I want to try something unconventional. I think this little public interview thing will work out pretty well. I’m planning on starting work on it tomorrow. Who knows how many days it’ll take to finish ^_^ Anyway, keep your questions coming! There’s no way you could ask too many, and the more the better! Plus, the more you ask, the more your name gets put on the page. Can’t go wrong, can ya?

You’ll never guess what I’m doing now. Ok, maybe you will. I’m listening to that Korean woman talk on the radio again ^_^ For anyone who is feeling adventerous and wants to tune in, fire up xmms or winamp and in the playlist editor click “add” and select “url” and enter this: 61.74.71.105:11000 and then hit play. Tada! Now I will warn you, this is a Korean radio station. And, like most radio stations, they play music from all different countries. You hear Japanese, Chinese, and American music on this station, along with the Korean hits. So, if you tune in and hear some weird American oldies song or something, that’s why. Also, isn’t it interesting how most radio stations play music from all over the world? It’s the Americans that have developed this false sense of media superiority and are almost never exposed to anything else around the world and are trained to reject anything that is! Ghawggg, don’t get me started. So, why am I listening to this girl. I dunno. I’m weird. I need a life. But beside the obvious reasons, it’s a quick escape to the imaginary ideals in a perfect situation that only exists in my mind =o) Maybe I should record it? Make CDs… take them in the car… (actually I’ve been googling for downloadable multiple-hour mp3s of readings of books for the visually impaired people who speak foreigh [mostly asian] languages) If you’re confused, join the club. I don’t know why I crave this so much, but I don’t know why I should stop. It’s enjoyable, and peaceful. I like it. Plus, it’ll give me a chance to brush up on my Korean. Currently, I only know one word in Korean. “Jillae?” which properly translates “wanna die?” XD Someone’s been watching too much “my sassy girl”. But you have to admit that is AWESOME! How cool is the Korean language? I mean, dang, they have one word for that!

So what’s this secret thing you’ve been hinting at Scott? Well lots of you have been complaining about how one-sided and closed-minded my blogs are, and how I talk about the same things over and over, and how I’m in denial (not true!) and how my jokes (like that one) are really corny. Anyway, this little idea is a way to let the readers of my site be the ones to control (to a certain level) the topics I write about and the things I discuss. How interesting, isn’t it? The web isn’t very interactive these days, and this seems somewhat awkward, but once I release all the details, I think it’ll be pretty cool.

Vahh! I can’t talk on the phone -_- I hate talking on the phone! It’s not that I don’t like talking to people, it’s just that I’m horrible on the phone. I can’t keep focoused when I try to talk. My mind drifts (even while I’m taking) and I can’t remember what we were talking about or where I was trying to go and it’s… grr… frustrating. I’m slowly getting over it, I used to be a lot worse. But tonight I was deep in thought trying to pull some info in for an exam tomorrow and I got a phone call in the middle and I couldn’t seem to pull myself together to talk like a normal human. Yeah, well, just thought I’d share. Thanks for listening! If you want to talk to me sometime, email me, or meet me in person. I can’t do phones ^_^;;;

You all keep asking me how I make blogs that’re so long but still seem to hold together with a defined pattern of topics. Well, I’ll let you in on my little secret: planning! Whenver I do something in the day that I want to write about, or I think of something that would be cool to type here, I audibally say “blog” and it helps me remember it. Then, when I get home, I write all of my ideas on a notecard. Throughout the rest of the day(s) I add to this notecard and if I need to, I start two notecards. Then, when it comes time to blog, I just pick ten or eleven relevant topics, organize them into an order, and talk about them. So, yeah, now you know my secret. Also, while I’m at the topic, notecards are awesome! I can retain information at an incredible rate if I memorize it on notecards. I’ll go through a pack or two in a single night and have total recall on all of the information. I don’t remember things I see well. I don’t remember things I hear well. I don’t remember things I say well. However, if I have a notecard and I look at it, read it, and say it outloud, the sombination of those three make it stick in my head. So, wow, you learned two of my secrets. How… strange.

Well, I’m tired and am going to crash early tonight. I’m still sleeping on the floor, for those of you who’ve been asking about that lately. I don’t use my bed at all anymore (except for storage, and a cool place to put my backpack). I really want to move it out of here, but I’m not sure where to put it. I thought last night as I was on the floor how comfortable it is to me now. It’s like… wow… so great. I really look forward to going to sleep now because it’s so relaxing. The way it stretches your back out, it feels like you’re floating. It’s like a near death experience without the tunnel. The only downside is that you may roll over onto a cat in the night and get scared to death when it hisses and claws at you, instantly starteling you from your slumber. Yeah, well, all this talk has made me tired, so I’m off. Goodnight everyone, and have a good day.

postnote: 2149 words tonight, two thousand word posts seem like nothing to me now

Yeah, tell me about it. Actually, here’s something cool I’m going to try… I’m going to blog tonight And spend thirty minutes on it instead of my usual fifteen. I know you all are like “scott it takes you hours to write this” and I know it does sometimes, but when I write it really late I just focous on writing and do it all really fast. When I do it slow is when I IM at the same time ^_- Anyawy, tonight, I’ll get a double length blog, which means I don’t have to worry about the amount of time I have to spend and I can cover more topics that I’ve been afraid to touch for so long because of typing time constraints =o) I doubt I’ll keep doing this, but I have to try. Simple curiosity. I’m sure you understand.

First of all, wow! tons of people read this thing! The sad part is that not many people comment -_- However, I get tons of IMs about my blogs and a lot of emails suprisingly. I know people are reading it, but comments are the sign to everyone else that they’re not alone. I’m not saying this to try to boost my hits of sound like I’m bragging. I’m just saying that in the good ol’ days when I’d get 30 posts in 24 hours, I had a lot of fun reading them. Watching how the people talked in response to eachother was awesome! and I know you all must have had fun using the comments box as the little flame board. Although, my bottom line stands that I don’t write this blog “for the people” (I do it for myself), I can’t begin to tell you how much the user feedback really does affect me. I love wakign up in the morning and checking my inbox and finding emails from people who are nice towards my work and my writings. Ahh, the joys of sharing your life with the world.

…but these joys are sometimes shattered by people who, for whatever reason, feel that they need to try to hurt me using my own writings =op Yeah, I write my life on my site. Yeah, I have fun doing it… and yeah, it does come at a price. Sometimes people use the words that come out of my mouth try to attack me. This is frustrating, but there’s little I can do. I know I ranted about this last night, but please, if you’re going to tell me something about my site, make sure you’re doing it from a positive stance. Otherwise, it just makes you look stupid, makes me feel bad, and ultimately doesn’t change a thing. So, now that that’s over, we continue!

I got the quotes pages up! Yeah baby! They work great. In fact, I made a whole little page where people can download a zipped version of my php quotes script so they can add a quotes page to their own site. How cool is that? You should take a look. I hope that some people will be able to use it. So far, two people have taked to me about downloading it, but no one has put it into action (that I know of). Then again, it’s only 24 hours old, so I’ll give it time. The quotes page is intersting… some people hate it. Most people, though, love it. I get so many IMs of people quoting my own quotes back to me saying they’re funny. They certainly do lighten the mood and provide a dynamicly changing method of connection with the scottishot.com creator. I always thought that adding as much persoal information into a person website was an awesome thing to do. Yeah, it adds fluff that’s kinda weird, but overall it gives the visitors a way that they feel they can connect with the creator. I can’t put this in words well, it’s late, forget it. Moving on…

I had some company tonight. It worked out well. However, I spent some more time watching homestarrunner.com flash shorts because of it. Lots of people I know go crazy over this stuff. I feel weird, because I don’t seem to like it at all. Are the jokes too big for me? Do they go over my head? Why do I not think it’s funny? And also, things like movies. I hear this one from everyone and it was even reconfirmed tonight. Pirates of the Caribbean. Everyone loves it, and I hate it! I think it’s soooo boring. And it’s really not that funny… I don’t know why I don’t like it. I tried to say that after watching so many really good movies lately, it was hard to really go all out on liking a movie I see these days. But, of course, the idiot I am said that verbally and was confronted with the “so what do you think IS a good movie?” question, to which I had no answer. I threw das boot out from the top of my head, but that movie wasn’t even that great. I wanted to though out some of my favored tities of My Sassy Girl, Lovers’ Concerto, and Mononoke Hime, but I didn’t want to get pounded with questions. Yes they’re movies about love and romance. Go away =op Oh well, das boot is a german u-boat film where the americans are the bad guys. I didn’t do that poorly on throwing out a title, did I? (famous last words)

Life is like looking at a painting. Is that a famous line of someone? I can’t remember. It should be. If it’s not, I declare it’s a famous line of Scott. But, it’s relly true for me these days. Here, now, when I’m working, I can concentrate on what I’m doing. However when I’m at school, home, or around ‘friends’, I can feel my mind in a different state and it all seams like a dream. The surreality of the whole thing brings peace through the most awkward situations (to some level, at least) and I am surely noticing it more and more every day. I don’t know what to do about it though. Is this a bad thing? I mean, wow, what a good way to control yourself. If you’re looking at your life through eyes above you instead if in your head, then you can see what you are doing and shape your thoughts accordingly. I’m able to spew out quick words with meaning and potency, control myself in strange places, and think about things in the middle of no where. I’m trying to explain it using semiabstract language, but I’m failing miserably. I do know one thing. It’s certainly distancing from other people. Distance from myself is good when it comes to how to act and what to think around other people. But when this distance is added to the already great distance I stand from other people, I think it’s easy for me to come across cold and inhuman, in a sense. Oh well, the strangeness of the eighteen year old mind. I’m most likely completely wrong on everything I’ve said so far, so you can just excuse it for the number of my years and keep reading my sad little blog ^_^

Life… wow… what next? No, seriously. What do I do next in my life? Last year, it was college. SATs. ACTs. I started back then and got stuff worked out nicely. But what’s a goal I can set for the upcoming year? To learn something? To do something? To say something? To meet someone? /GHASP!/ I do know one thing though. Over the next year, I really want to get a deeper knowledge of computer programming. I’d really like to spend some time learning how to write more fluid perl, gcc compiled C, and python languages. I think that trying to deeply learn three is impractical, so I’m going to set my sights on gcc compiled C, since it seems most useful elsewhere. Also, not to mention, I might be taking a programming class in C next semester, and what a simple way to jumpstart that. I hope the class teacher wants us to use gcc in unix like another one I hear of at the school ^_^ What a great way to use his knowledge to answer my more intricate questions. I hope he doesn’t get annoyed with me like so many teachers do ^_^ New years resolutions are coming up, I think that’s what I’m going to try. Do you know what last years new years resolution was? It was to blog at least three times a week XD How cute!!!

oh no! scott you didn’t?! Ok, I got hit at something really awkward for me tonight. Looking back on it, I don’t see what the big deal was, but the more I think about it the more I wish I had said something different. Pretty much, this is how it went. Tonight, there were a lot of people in my room, and one of the guys lifeted up a boa cd that I had sitting on my window and held it up to me and said “do you think she is a hottie?” – what a strange thing to ask someone? If course I don’t. Hottie is a childish abbreviation for the word hot. Hot would be some (most likely sexually suggestive) barely clothed woman looking like some sort of animal. On all rationally logical levels, ‘hot’ is completely repuslive. But then again, I know few share my views on the meaning of the word hot. So what’d I do? I said no. That was very strange, because I felt my voice quiver and it sounded like I was lying. I guess, I could have been? maybe? lying to myself, I dunno. I thought that the picture of her on the cover made her look very pretty ^_^ I just didn’t know what to say that wouldn’t be followed by a million other (more awkward?) questions. So, yeah, I’m a jerk. I hope boa can find it in her heart to forgive me XD haha ok just messing. So, what should I have said? I can’t seem to think of anything. Why do I care? I keep getting asked things like this =op One person I see every once and a while (who doesn’t read these blogs) says “scott do you think she is hot” to every asian and latin girl that walks by (that’s right, he can’t tell the difference). Yeah, anyway, I know I’m gonna get chewed out about this paragraph. But, hey, whatever. I still have my cd case, so I’m cool =oD

I have no pictures of men on this website. Yeah, it’s true. Have you noticed? I do in one place have a picture of a young Korean boy, and in one picture I show Gyen-woo from My Sassy Girl. I may have others, but in general, I do not post pictures of men. I just realized it. I don’t know why. I don’t think I should change though. I’m so weird. The pictures I choose are controlled by the whimsical aspirations I am so unfortunate as to harbor. Ok, this paragraph is getting weird, it needs to be teriminated.

A new business? possibly. I’m currently looking into the details, but I think I might have something pretty cool worked out. You would not believe how many people have contacted me asking where they too can get cool little LCD screens. And, all but one of these people, I don’t think could hook one up themselves ^_^ It’s not that I think I’m smarter or anything, it’s just that I know they’re no where as patient as I [am]*. Anyway, I’m thinking of selling LCD kids. These kits would be customizable as to what parts you want to get. The actual LCD you’d order from a website of your choice. I’d sell the parts you need to wire it to your computer. All the raw parts would be a set low price. Then, for a few dollars more for each step, you can have me assemble it for you. Things like wire-crossing and connector soldering could be done for a few bucks more. By the time you keep adding steps, for a few bucks more you could just buy a finished pc connector. I’d also ship (standard) an instruction guide for how to wire the whole thing and how to install software for it. I’m still thinking of ideas, and it might be a while before I do it. I really want to get with my friend Phillip (who expressed an interest in making one of his own) and helping the guy out setting his up as an excuse to take pictures and document it all the way through. Maybe I could get some cool ideas. Actually, for those who know me well, you’ll remember “the teddy bear”. In short, I’m flirting with the idea of building screens inside of squishie plush animals =oD Talk about a cool little thing to put on top of your monitor! I’m afraid though. Right now, mine get really really hot. (very hot to the touch, I’m not sure what it’d take to start a fire). I’m trying to think out a way to make a heatsink for the thing. It’s encased in a metal frame which is the heatsink itself… but… if it’s wrapped up in fur I don’t know if it’d do the job. Also, brightness and contrast would be cool to do. If you shove a screw driver up the teddy bear’s butt and twist to the right, the letters would get darker. Twist to the left, and it’d lighten. I’m weird. Enough with this topic. I swear people are going to read this and think of stealing my ideas. Losers =op
recently someone told me that people who end sentences with the word I incorrectly are just trying to sound smart. Now, whenever I end a sentence with the word I, even if it’s correctly used, I’m afraid someone will think I’m trying to sound or act smart. You may have noticed I’m adding the word am back at the end of sentences again.

I have a strange desire to do normal things. I can’t explain it well. But about 20 minutes before I started typing this blog, I really wanted to do something. Not alone, for once. Maybe with someone (a guy even). Maybe a stranger. I don’t know. Going… to… a movie… or dinner… or something like that. I realized it’s been months and months since I’ve gone anywhere, which is really scary. I need to think about putting forth some serious effort in changing the way I live my life, because I’m even starting to scare myself (which is a really hard thing to do these days)

How will this shape who I am in the future? I look at myself in the future in the roll as a father and I have to ask myself what I will be like. How will I act? What will change about me from now to then, and what will stay the same. I know one thing that I’m really going to have to fight when I get older and have a family of my own is my tendency to draw toward myself and want to be alone for so long. I don’t want to be a father that’s “never here but always home”.. and it scares me because if I lose sight of my past experiences and future goals, I’m the kind of person who might lean in that direction. Then we get to how I’ll treat my wife. What an interesting thing to try to think about. I can’t put it down very well though, since I don’t have a clue who she will be. I haven’t even been able to establish a “type” of girl I’d be best with ^_^; so I can’t even work with that. But then again, before I start thinking about marrage, maybe I should start thinking about, I don’t know, getting out of my room and metting someone? ^_^;; Actually, I think I’d rather enjoy the blind-meeting style of getting to know a total stranger. What an interesting to learn about a peron, humm? Ok, wow, yet again, I need to stop. Not for time. For my very shrivel of a life I still have XD

I talked about misia today. I thought it was very funny. I tried to keep from lauging. Oh, the fun times I have with Misia, even after she’s dead. At the dinner table today someone brought up the subject of people seing people that don’t exist and I threw out a joke level comment about a person I spend a lot of time with and enjoy being around named Misia, my imaginary friend. It was a joke, and fit in perfectly in the conversation. These people had never heard of Misia, so I was cool. But I saw my sister’s eye squint a little when she tried to figure out what the whole thing was about. She’s heard the name Misia cast around here and there, but never found out what it was all about. This is the best though, because I think it’s still too soon to have the parental units detect traces of psychopathic symtoms caued by (still undiscovered?) various reasons.

Wow, how interesting. I spent a good thirty minutes blogging tonight. I guess I didn’t waste much time. But then again, that means I wrote a thousand words of self-reflective thoughts and ideas. But on the other hand, do you know what else this means? I’ve been talking about my own mind, thoughts, and emotions at over a hundred words a minute. I can type fast, and I can express my thoughts clearly at this speed. When I flirt with the idea of my mind being expressed through my fingers at a point where I type faster and faster… I think I might be hitting something. Compare it to syncronization with eva, if you’d like. Oh wow, now I’m making references to evangelion by placing myself in shinji’s position. I think I need to wrap up before I cause universal destruction. Goodnight everyone. And I can only imagine as to the strange comments I’ll get tonight.

note: tonight’s post is 3,218 words. (new personal record)

/sigh/ I can feel a rant coming tonight. Forget the intro. I’m starting immediately. As you know, I get a [suprisingly] large amount of people who come to my website every month. Actually, in the last week, I’ve gotten over two thousand unique visitors that stayed on my website longer than 5 minutes. So, you can imagine, I get contacted by a lot of people. Every once in a while (two, maybe three times a month?) I’ll get contacted by someone who found my site somehow and thinks my writings are cool and like what I do with the site and they leave positive and uplifting messages. They’re really appreciated, and really great to get every once and a while. However, for every 1 positive email I get, I get 5 bad ones. Usually, these messages are stupidly worded, gramatically incorrect, and little more than simple fuming at random aspects of my site. “u r so dumb y u put stupid pictures? u should die” sort of things. It does little more than make me laugh and think “what an idoit”. But, every once and a while I’ll get one that’s created to sting. Most often, I can shrug them off. But for some reason tonight, I got one that seemed to bother me. It was this one that just put me over the top and I can’t think of anything to do about it, so I’ll go on and blog it out of my system. First of all, I’ll say that this was left at my away message and completely anonymous, from a screen name I had never seen before. It ran something along the lines of “who the blank do you think you are? you blanking player. you act like a person who thinks every girl in the world wants you. well, yeah right. so go blank your television because i keep hearing all about it”. Then, he proceeded to warn my away message and block me. How fun. Normally these things are read and just “ehh” but… it’s that one part… “you think ever girl in the world wants you”… what a horrible thing to say. Even despite the fact that it’s quite [obviously] the farthest thing from the trurh, the words themselves just… ring in my head. And, of course, then after hearing it over and over I start to question in. Does this person really think that about me? Do lots of people think I’m that way? What am I doing to make people think something like that? Do I really act that way? Am I really that way? Do I really think every girl in the world wants me? Stupid sounding, yeah, I know… but… I guess it’s late and nothing really ‘good’ has happened today… so it’s hitting a little harder than it should. I’ll just assume it’s some lame little kid who just wanted to give me a hard time.

But I have to question what drove this guy to say something like that… I mean, what’re the factors? Heck, I know I’m overanalizing this, but I can’t stop myself. I have this idea that if I figure out why he said it, it’ll stop rolling in my mind. So, let’s see. We can start with the simeple. Maybe the poor guy was just having a bad day? I know that when I have a hard time sometime, I naturally take it out on other people (less harshly, though) over IM. But then again, if you look at his words, they seemed to be more than a quick flame. I can’t be sure this was intentional, but it looks like the lines were crafted to sting. People who flame me out usually just like to use a lot of bad words and insult everything I make. But this guy… he targeted me and used the bad words to assist his sentences instead of focousing on the words themselves. So… yeah… this guy’s shooting fiery darts at me. And why? Well… maybe it was something I did. Did I know him from somewhere? Had I talked to him on another screen name? Did I do something to personally offend him? If this were the case, then that’s a pretty stupid way to try to resolve it. I’m open and we could have talked it through. I talked to a few of my (close) friends about this around the time it happened, and they all said the same answer. Jealousy. It seems to make sense, but I can’t let myself think this. I mean, put it this way. The guy’s accusing me of completely being self-centered. And, if I say “oh he’s just jealous”, then I’m making his words true! By defending myself aginst him in that way, I become the very object I’m trying to prove I’m not. So, jealousy is out. Even if it is the true reason, I could never say that. I’d like to stick with the idea that I once talked to him somewhere and he became frustrated with something I said and decided to chew me out tonight. Anyway, I feel I should move on.

So, that raises the question, “what is the truth?” Well the first truth is that I’m taking this way too seriously and should have just ignored it. But, since it’s too late for that, I’ll try to clarify it to myself and to other people as a way to put the issue to rest. Girls can do what they’d like. I don’t even begin to claim that girls want me (much less “every girl in the world”), and if you don’t like how much I talk about movies in my blogs, then don’t read the freaking things /rolls eyes/ Anyone who attacks someone and then disappears while leaving the entire conversation anonymous is a fool. The very fact that he vanished immediately after sending those potent few lines shows that he has nothing to back them, is afraid of me (and/or confrontation?) and is more or less acting like an idiot. Although, I can’t judge him, I’m sure I can be blamed of the same kind of behavior among different points of my life. So, for what it’s worth, I forgive you, if you’re reading this now =o)

pfft… how dumb… Actually, I just wanted to bold this section with something that didn’t look weird. I mean, hey, while we’re at the subject, I need to address something about women again ^_^ Someone approached me today and started talking about the whole asian women thing. But this time, it was a little differnt. They didn’t ask if it was true. They didn’t ask to what extent it was true. They didn’t ask details of how it was or when it started. They asked the toughest question. “why?” And… wow… I could not answer that. I felt, yet again, really stupid and incredibly shallow. But, after some time alone today (when I let previous conversations roll over my mind) I simply concluded that it’s an image of ideals I hold in my own mind. A person who would be really fun to be around would have certain levels of a dynamic personality mixed in with the seriousness needed to get things done but still not lacking some humor that can be thrown in when appropriate. The people I see every day don’t change. It’s been this way since my earliest memories of how I thought of people (around 2nd grade, I remember thinking about other people a lot). Something foreign implies that there’s something different. There’s still a little mystery in it. Maybe it’s not the same as everything else I’ve been used to. It gives the idea of a little extra something to a person that makes them easy to talk to, hard to relate with (in a good way, provides conversation and contrast needed in a good friend) and… and… I’m an idiot and need to shut up. However, it’s late, and I don’t feel like tracing back where I started this topic, so just kinda forget you read it. Maybe I’ll finish it later when I’ve had more of a chance to think of how to write it.

So, school, yeah, tests. Finals. Next week. Studying this weekend. Tomorrow, however, my dad is doing this ‘thing’ with another family and I just found out I’m going. I don’t know how it’s going to be. I hope it’s enjoyable, and doesn’t take too long. Although, if I just get one of those two, I’ll be happy ^_^ It’s something he really wants to do though, so I’ll try to make the best of the whole thing. I know my dad doesn’t like things like.. computers and stuff like that (and gets mad when I use them / tries to take them away etc etc haha) so I know that can’t be a connecting point. So, I’ve gotta put forth some effort here and try to play on his grounds. While I’m still here, in this house, I have to do the best I can to keep good relations with my parents. I’m sure you all know how bad parental relations can make your stay in their house a horrible experience ^_^ So, yeah, that’s the plan… we’ll see how it goes. Come back to me in 5 years. Actually, make that 20. I’ll be a father, and I really hope I can hold on to the information I’ve acquired over the middle/late childhood years.

Ahh, the future. But what about now? When I’m older, how will I look back on my years – the ones I’m in now? Well I’m certainly happy =oD But am I doing anything that’ll be fun to look back on? to tell my kids or grandkids about? Humm… interesting questions. Almost as mysterious as who I will become in the future is how I will describe myself now when that time comes… Ok, I’m confused. new paragraph. Same topic though

So, I’ll know who I am.. or will I? We’re back to the infamous question of self-interpretation. I mean, you can always figure out other people. You can’t help it! You can tell what is affecting someone, you can tell how someone has changed, and you can even tell (sometimes with some extra effort) what someone is thinking. However, what about yourself? If someone were to describe you, how differnet would thier descriptions be with the image of who you think your “true self” is? Which one is right? I mean if you’re the only one who thinks a certain thing is your true self, and everyone else thinks you’re different, wouldn’t they be right? I like to try to be quiet and take in information. However, around people, from simple nervousness / awkwardness I can’t seem to shut up. Yeah, I know, it’s weird. But when I’m uncomfortable, I talk a lot. Outside of that, I am really quiet. So, naturally, I think of myself as very quiet.. someone who listens and sees things and takes in random information about the world and computes it silently. But to other people? I’m a loud mouth chatter box who won’t shut up… yeah.

So, what am I? Another fun question =o) Something that I will say I’m very happy for is that I have kept writing my blogs for many years now. These simple little writings have been an awesome insight to my own life. Going back a few months and reading the thoughts I had and the things I did gives me a great realization of how I relaly am and how I change. It also shows how certain things are so small and some are large. In short, it puts my life in perspective and gives me a chance to learn from my past by studying it in detail and it gives me the ability to shape my future from the knowledge I’ve learned. yeah, I make my blogs public, but I don’t write them for the reason that I want people to read them. I just use it as a little extra to keep me writing them! I’m sure you’ve noticed that when (long ago) my website would be down, I wouldn’t blog as much. It’s nice being able to write your thoughts in text that tons of people see and only few read. And, on top of that, it’s nice knowing that 99% of the people who view this never have, are going to, or ever will meet me =oD So, I do it for the strangers, for they give me a reason to keep blogging regurlarly, and intern, I do this for myself ^_^

So, now that I brought this blog to a good note again, it’s time to close! Yeah, I know, I started this blog a long time ago. But hey, I got distracted every other word and had to keep writing. But, I’d say I did pretty well tonight. You know why? No? well I’ll tell you. Tonight, I set another personal record for myself. I blogged over twenty-five hundred words tonight. Prior to this date, my biggest blog was only 2,100 words. Oh well, I guess this one made up for the last few. To all, good night, have a good day, and enjoy life. Bad things might happen, but there’s always good right on the other side. If something bad is happening to you, don’t spread it to other people. And if good things are going on in your life, be thankful for them, and be sure to share your happiness with others! Kind words go a long way in these days of cold conversation. A simple smile can light up someone’s day. And with that, I bid thee good night. Ok, you got me. That was the line that princess fieona used in the movie Shrek. So, at this point, I don’t know how to close. I guess I’ll simply have to end with this. All in all, including this extra little bit now, my blog length is exactly 2536 words ^_-

Ok, so I can’t really feel the wired (yet). I just wanted to make a mysterious reference to Lain since I haven’t mentioned her in a while. Tonight is going to be a weird blog. I can feel it. FIrst of all, I’m exhauseted. I’ve been getting fewer and fewer hours of sleep every night for the last week, and I can feel it catching up with me. My thoughts are messy and my typing slurrs from one sound to the next. But does it matter? Absolutely not! No one reads these silly little postings anway… and now with my new (stupid) layout, I’ll even turn away the people who randomly stumble upon my site. Oh the fun of being in control over your own little slice of the internet. So /smacks hands togethere/ what interesting topics are we going to delve into tonight?

Let’s see… what haven’t I talked about in a while? Misia ^_^ And you, yeah, you, the reader. Shut. Up. If you don’t want to hear bout misia, than skip this paragraph. I don’t want to hear it from you. tar the tongue and zip the lip. (get it? a .tar.gz compressed tarball?) Yeah, anyhow… earlier today, it was interesting how it arose… I think this was the first time someone brought up the subject in real life from a standpoint of curiosity (maybe?) that wasn’t trying to make fun of me about it.. Then tonight, something very small happened in a conversation tonight that I had a hard time shrugging off. I mentioned that I had a CD of the singer Misia… then I corrected myself saying I had 2… then I corrected myself saying I had 2 albums, one of them had 2 cds, so that makes 3 Misia CDs. The guy gave me the infamous “too much information” IM and I was like “why do you say that?” and he responded very nicely, but in a way that made me realize how meaningless this entire thing is to everyone. No one cares about it… they shouldn’t, why would they? But it’s the way this idea contrasts so strongly with my own views that make it so strange to feel about. Have you ever walked in someone’s house and not known if you’re supposed to take your shoes off or not? That’s what it feels like ^_^ Ok, yeah, so, I got the Misia thing out of the way. She’s old news. Oh yeah, if you have a problem, take it up with her. But let me warn you. She will kick. your. butt. ^_-

You’ll never guess what i did today. I watched a Korean movie! Ok, so what if that was guessable. Anyhow, I watched a movie I’d seen a few months earlier that I didn’t like. However, when I re-watched it, I thought it was awesome! I misssed some key eliments the first time that really made it hard for me to understand. Entire scenes of the movie literally “don’t happen” and are meant to be tanen figuratively only… It sure put things right and turned the movie into a pretty cool little film. I don’t know how to categorize it outside of a romance/drama film, so I’ll just leave it at that. It was pretty sad though. Not the movie itself, but the concept. A really nice guy does everything for a girl who treats him horribly. I hate that! Watching that is like… /ponders/ Ever walk in a class and know that you forgot to do your homework? That feeling. That’s what I get when I see that ^_^ It ended pretty well though. The girl who went for the rich handsome guy got dumped a month before the wedding. And, the ‘nice guy’ disappeared when he heard the girl was getting married. Moved without a trace. So, yeah, the girl gets left all alone. Misses out on the rich and handsome guy, and is abandoned by the (unknowing) perfect-match of a nice guy. Yeah, I guess it’s bad for him too… but I just like seing that girl suffer hehe ^_^ evil… yeah… I know

I keep getting really bad things said about this website… People take so many things here the wrong way… starting with the domain name. I’ve had so many people tell me that I’m arrogant and stuck up and conceited when they know nothing more of me than my domain name. They think “oh scott is hot dot com” and take it too seriously =op Then, the pictures of my room, I get the infamous “what a spoiled kid whose parents bought him 12 computers” lines here and there… The irony of it all is that this couldn’t be farther from the truth ^_^; My parents don’t get me the computers, I get them. My panrents are the ones who keep trying to think of ways or reasons to throw them away. And no one paid for them, they’re all junk. I find most of this stuff in trash cans anyway! Then we get the about page, with the whole asian women thing /shrug/ I don’t even want to go there. Now I’m going to be instantly flagged as ’shallow’ if I ever do end up liking an asian women XD But I don’t really see that happening. I dunno, I don’t really think of those things literally much. I thinka bout the past… I think about the future… but I never spend (enough?) time thinking about the now of my life. I guess it’s a good thing… maybe?

finals are coming up. can’t you sense my dramatic enthusiasm? I’m overwhelmed with excitement. All of the exams seem pretty managable. However my stupid world myth class I’m looking at getting a B in -_- He keeps giving me As on assignments, but they’re always 90s. I can’t do anything with a 90. I need a higher grade that can average-up my scores. /sigh/ Anyway, I’m going to be spending a good chunk of my weekend trying to reclaim some points that I can use on my last chance test in all my classes. How fun?

You know you can always talk to me… I’m contactable via email and aim. However, for a few days, I’m going to simply start brushing off people who are disrespectful and/or just talk to me to try to get things (computer help, usually) You can always ask me something, I won’t take that badly. But if I blatently say “hey, don’t keep asking me this” then make it your business to listen to it =op

I’m closing now… but… there was something really funny that happened today that even my sister said I “should write this in the scottishot.com blog”… but I can’t remember what it is. Oh well. I guess I’m out of here. I have to wake up early and go somewhere before work tomorrow X_x I need to get a few hours of shuteye tonight, and try to get enough tomorrow that I can make up for all the missed time. Ok, nice talking to you. Talk to ya’ later. Bye. –Scott