Archive for June, 2003

going away – 06-20-2003 23:56
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Yes, it’s true. I’m leaving. Not forever though, just for seven days. You see, my parents arranged this thing to go out of town to meet another family. I’m going with them. I’m only missing one day of class at college. I hope it doesn’t hurt me. I’m missing a week of work. I think it’ll be ok – the people there understand. Most of all, I’m missing my connection. There, who knows what I’ll be able to use. I am haunted by the thought of being stranded – out of contactable reach by those I most wish to speak with. What’m I doing? This isn’t death row! This is a vacation. And man, do I need one. How do I know I need a vacation? Because I don’t want to take one. No, it’s true. I’m way too wrapped up in the things I do to want to stop for a vacation. Therefore, I need to unwravel the fringed edges of my life and just leave it all behind. I’m taknig my laptop. Ha! what, you thought I’d really leave it all behind? You’ve got to be kidding me! I spent 5 horus tonight burning cds of movies. While burning them, I found some cool wallpapers at deviantart.com. I stuck one or two in the tmp section, in case anyone gets bored. I have a new desktop too. I just needed a change. After staring at the pretty image for a few hours, I realized that thing has a boob. No, it’s true. Look at the same vertical level as its elbow, but to the right. See? It was there all the time and you didn’t see it until now. So, yeah, after realizing that, I just couldn’t keep the wallpaper. It’s actually Lain now. My favorite pose of her. Everyone’s seen it, Lain, DJing at Cyberia. Lain, I burned all of it. I hope to rewatch it. Man, I know some other people think its dumb (some agree with me though) but it really was big on me and changed my life yet again. I’m having life-changers from the strangest things these days. From 6 hour animated films to imaginary friends ::blink:: Speaking of which, I think I’m going to be bored/lonely durring large chunks of the trip. I know it won’t be like this, but I have this mental picture of being in a room with no windows or lights and being alone – but talking with Misia ^_^ I can’t let myself speak with her… It’ll mess everything up. Everything I’ve been working toward. But… if I get lonely for so long… can I tear myself apart? It’s so easy, it’s so lite, it’s so timpting. Just for a few minutes… please? /shrug/ I’ll have to try my hardest not to speak with her. I’ll let you know how I did in my next post. Speaking of which, I’ll have to post a week from now and just stop typing now. It’s past midnight and I wake up at 5 tomorrow morning -_- Shoot me some email with the contact page! Make a goal to send me one email every day! And with that, I’m out. So long my fans. Wish me luck. I’ll have to sit on a plane next to some girl with the name of Misia. ::blink::
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working, working, working – 06-18-2003 23:08
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As you can see my site is slowly changing from the all black text on white background page to a small little personal website. I’m open to comments and suggestions. Please, give me ideas that can make my site better. At the moment I still have to add the shoutbox, an email form again, and all the sections and their respective information. Long night ahead of me. But good news – I just took my passing exam for English Comp I. in college. I think I did well.
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new website – 06-19-2003 08:07
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Can you beleive it? I actually finished this site. Dang, it took less than 1 and 1/2 hours to write – and that’s while watching a movie! Speaking of which, I just saw a movie that shot my mind back 6 years. When I was eleven, I was sick, and stayed on the living room couch to sleep. Sunday morning around 3am (or some really early time) I woke up and wasn’t tired. I turned on TV and landed on sci-fi. It was a parental warning guide “this program contains disturbing images of extreme violence”, or some other wording that basically says “if you’re a young guy, you want to watch this”. When the warning ended, I saw it was just a ‘cartoon’… I watched. I liked ^_^ However, I didn’t actively try to get more of this strange anime. I just watched it, liked it, and left it. Well, as luck would have it, six years later I download an anime and it turns out its the same one. It’s called BLooD: The Last Vampire and man is it cool! This vampire chick goes around slaying deamons and killing people and stuff. I can’t describe it, it’s just a fun movie. It’s short though – only about 50 minutes (40 not including credits). If you get a chance sometime, and violence doesn’t disturb you, I’d check it out. It’s pretty fun viewing (especially at night, with all the lights off, and headphones on turned up loud). Bua ha ha ha ha Okay, off to work.
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misia’s fanmail – 06-18-2003 23:07
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…now to answer some misia-related emails I’ve received through the form on my website. I go in cronological order and answer them line by line. Check it out! You might learn something – and you might even see your own email.
the one is from Jon:

Hey Scott,

> Dude I haven’t talked to you in a while.
tell me about it!

> I was just wonderin’ what you’re up to. I heard you got really sick.
I’ve been up to 102 (fever).

> Are you all healed up yet?
atm, yes. However I’m 12 lbs lighter (almost dipped under 100lbs)

> So how’d you deal with summer school and work when you’re sick for that long?
I went to school sick when I had to go – I didn’t go to work, they seemed to understand luckily

> Anyway, I just wanted to shoot you an email and see how you’re doing.
Thank you, your email is much appreciated.

> This summer has been nuts for me so far… way busier than the school year =.
what kind of face is that? 0.0

> Hopefully things will settle down soon.
yeah, I agree. I’m hoping my toast and milk will settle down. I don’t want to throw up again.

> Well my room is a huge mess and I have a lot to get done but I’ll talk to you later.
my room is a disaster! I haven’t lived in it in weeks /shrug/ I need to clean it too

> See ya.
yeah – later – thanks for the mail

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I can feel myself slowly starting to get back in the groove of things. But what’s this about leaving again? Where’m I going? For how long? How’m I getting there? Will I even try to keep my sanity? Read the full story!
It’s a bad sign when my eyes are already starting to soften while looking at the monitor. This might be a short post tonight ^_^; This morning, I went to work for the first time since I left a week ago. I seemed to go right back into the work mode just fine. I had to leave early though. I drive to my college to take a special placement test that, if passed, lets me skip math classes and start with harder ones. However, after driving all the way out there, it turns out the guy I need to speak with was out for the day. I get to drive back tomorrow. Great, JUST what I wanted to do. Ghaw-ley

Friday I leave. Where? My sister is gonig to a summer camp in North Carolina. It was someone’s bright idea that we should turn “dropping Kelly off” into a family car trip -_- It takes us 12 hours to get into NC and 12 hours to come back. That’s 24 hours alone inside the car. Man, I’m taking my laptop and hoping I can keep my sanity. I’ll try to maintain it by watching movies. One of my friends told me I should check out “The Recruit”. It’s an American made war movie (WWII) like Saving Private Ryan, only this one is much more detailed and with a strong plot (so I hear). In fact, it’s 720 minutes, spanning over six 2-sided DVDs. I’ll have fun downloading THAT one! Ok, well, I need to go and get some stuff done. I’ll add more to this later. See ya!
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thoughts – leave me to them – 06-30-2003 00:18
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Irritation? offense? #jar? old friends? books of my life? surviving the teenage years? happyness? thankfulness? denial? the dry humor / banana chips relation? read all about it!
I don’t think I’m going to be able to write normally tonight as I said I would. I…have… to rethink how I lay this all out. Basically, I’m being met with hostility for the things I write in here. I guess I’ll just go on and say it’s my parents that’re starting to find ways to read these little postings and manage to take offense to the things I write. They’ll read a small part of one or two postings and then try to make accusations from the incomplete fragments of misinterpreted information they have! It’s also funny how things I say in my weblog get joked about in real life. Tonight, for example, “clean your room and get off the computer, you should stop talking to people you don’t know for once and maybe it’d put an end to your horrible depression”. Ouch! Where’d that come from? And me being depressed? At this point, I can only laugh =o) If anyone reads a small portion of my weblog and makes assumptions from it, I don’t think its my responsibility to worry how stupid they might sound.

On a ligter note though, I hopped in #japan-a-radio tonight and spoke with some old friends I hadn’t talked to in six months. I think it’s cool how they’re still there and remember so much about me after so long. (5 monitors, knighthacker.com, adopting a girl from china, etc) It’s somewhat akward, because some of the names I don’t recall, though they know me. And I’ve forgotten the sexes of some names, so I had some interesting and embarrassing comments cast to guys I thought were girls and worse yet – girls I thought were guys!

I used dcgui-qt to download some anime today. I got a great quality (1.2 gig) file of Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind. It reminded me of my first days of anime viewing and how fun it was to get new anime and watch it. Though I’d get dissed and made fun of by family and friends for it, I loved it, and was taken away by the stories they contained. I thought back to how happy I was once I first was able to use p2p apps to grab hard to find anime and smile when I realize how much I have advanced since then. Things are starting to fall into place really well for me. School’s gone, the 4′th chapter of my life is almost closed and the 5′th has already started. Two people hold me to my past, but soon when the ties are broken I’ll be completely free to move on, again. I wrote about “The Four Books” in my old old old blog but I’ve lost it since then. I might write about it anyway. Basically, now, things are falling into place for my future. Things that’re disctracting and possibly disrupting to my plans are now behind me. The people I knew and chose to relate with are almost completely gone and almost all the lines holding me from the 4′th book are severed. I’m happy things are working out so well and can only continue to pray that they keep working out in my future. One of the things I’m most thankful about is the stability in my life. I look all around me and see so many people my age going up and down and side to side in their crazy teenage lives. Juggeling school with sports games and friends and girlfriends or boyfriends while dealing with tests, loses, hatred, and breakups – so many of these people seem to have nothing stable in their life. I try my best to keep things as stable as possible, and it makes things sooo much easier to live with =o) It’s a good thing I don’t have a girlfriend huh? haha I crack myself up. Okay, I’ve got to go, but in closing I think I’ll have to comment on my humor. You see, my humor is so dry and cutting, that when I eat bananas, I poop banana chips. Later everyone
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Home sweet home! – 06-28-2003 23:56
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I’m home! Man, it’s nice to be back. But I also need to do a little house cleaning (reminding my guests of some things). In the process of writing the full story I get ticked and start flaming (frustrated yelling). Read up and check it out!
Yay! Woohoo! Yeah! Moo! … I’m home alright. Can you feel the excitement? Can you sense the joy? Can you imagine the relief? Can you smell the stinkeyness of forgotten food left in my room? [pause] I just took a screenshot. When I got home, I figure, heck, I’d might as well show off my new wallpaper and color scheme. One of these days I’ll change more than that, but until then, who cares!? Okay, time to use paragrpahs to explain my day.

Ok, a little FLAMAGE!!! Actually, I’m falling asleep, so I’ll have to try to think clearly while typing this. I’ll have to start off… again /sigh/ clarifying some things about this text (my weblog). It’s written privately, for myself, and not for other people. However, I’ve decided to make it avaliable for other people to read if they wish to waste their life reading about mine ^_^ The thing is, when I write this for myself, I write what I think and how I feel. Recently, I’ve started to realize that people can easialy have different views on the same things that I say. People take things different ways and even though I mean one thing or am trying to emphasize one concept – a reader could get a completely different effect. I could either pour tons of thought into making this in a format that expresses most what I think, but, I’d rather just be able to sit down and write than have to analize anything. So pretty much, the way to make sure you don’t take things the wrong way is to make sure you don’t jump to conclusions when you only have a small piece of information. This weblog is a collection of text that flow out of my mind in a stream, only separated by posting times. JUST READING ONE OR TWO POSTINGS DOESNT MEAN YOU HAVE A CLUE WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT!!! Don’t come to me and concemn me for my attitude, tone of voice, or the things I say if you haven’t even spent the time to read around the topic. Every day in every post I put things that can only make sense if you’ve read a previous post(s). This is INCREDIBLY AND ESPECIALLY true when I refer to the girl nammed Misia. I suggest you go back to the first few posts and read up if you haven’t. Also, I’ve said it 50 times before, and I’ll say it again. WHAT YOU READ HERE STAYS HERE! I’m exposing myself and stepping out pretty far on keeping this public. I like it, I like getting email about it, I like hearing from people about it. HOWEVER it’s a pain in the BUTT when people take what they read and talk to other people about it (and usually get it wrong) and it spreads rumors. And, please, show some scraps of thought. Don’t take what I write here and use it to try to make fun of me and make me feel stupid for living. What does that accomplish other than showing me your own lack of thoght or judgement.

So, why bring this up now? I’ve got to be careful not to let my [frustration] get the best of me, but someone lately has read a very small portion of my weblog, taken it out of context, started lecturing to me about certain issues that “it contains” that’re totally irrelevant to anything I’ve written. Reading things out of context and reading them with a negative condemning attitude in the first place is just begging for misenterpretation. After that, I got jokes and fun poked at me for things I wrote (yet again, taken out of context). It’s not that I care what’s said to me that way. The thing that makes me upset is the concept of someone thinking they know everything about me from reading a scrap of a page from my weblog. /shrug/ I need to just let it go. It keeps happening, I just need to be better to ignore it.

Thismorning through tonight I was at airports and on airplanes. I’m home now. I like it here. I’ll start to write normally again tomorrow (tonight was some housecleaning). Just a note: I am still working on my website! I haven’t stopped! I have many more ideas to put to action! Wait and see! Until next time, I’m out!
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Carabbean 950373 – 06-27-2003 08:10
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yyaawwwnnn. It’s morning over here. I got up a while ago and took a shower and got all ready, only to come up and plop in a chair (pulled up to the kitchen counter) and use my laptop. I did some interesting stuff last night and this morning…
Yesterday afternoon I became bored (what’s new) and opened up photoshop and started poking around my website. I made those groovy little header titles on the subpages that show what page you’re on. I also made some slick little borders for images. Right now, they’re only on the desktops page, but they’re really flexible (with auto-dynamically stretchable widths and heights) without deforming. Combo tables and css create a cool little effect that looks nice. Last night we (the two families) met a man, woman, and their daughter at a resturaunt last night. I think they sold the other families house to them or something. Anyway, the girl was fifteen and it stroke me as odd because the things she said and the way she said them, they were so far from the way I think. She was a social butterfly, you know, the kind of people that love being around other people. If you’re the girl I’m writing about and you’re reading this now, I’m not saying it in a bad way =o) I’m just pointing out our differences, and in all reality – you’re the normal one. Anyway, all day she’d spend school time around her friends and she gave examples of when she’d do things in-class and “talk to friends while doing math problems”. When she got home, she’d usually go to someones house (she said) and talk or watch movies, then at night she’d find somewhere to go or a party to go to. She also talked about hosting parties once her parents leave. So much time around people, it seemed so foreign to me. I’ll talk to people sometimes at school if it’s needed, but talking while doing math problems? being around them after chool? …parties?… /ghasp/ It’s so “not me”. This whole people thing, it’s so strange to hear people talk about it like that. I find myself waking up, doing things in my room, going to class, coming back and for the most part, staying in my room (although now sometimes I go to work before coming back to my room). I don’t really feel comfortable around large groups of people and therefore don’t make a point to go to big events with lots of people. I sometimes try to even avoid these things. Because of our (the girl compared to myself) differences, I wonder how our minds comprehend different thoughts. With such a different outlook on the concept of people, there’s no way we take things in the same way. I have a thought in my mind of what I’m trying to say, but it’s just not coming out right. Heh, I’m confusing people.

Someone posted a comment to yesterdays post saying something along the lines of ” ‘things’ will fade away but real friends will be with you to stay”. Hey that rhymed. I’m a poet and didn’t know it. ::blink:: Anyway, I thought it was interesting the word ‘real’ was included. What does this say about imaginary friends? XD What if your friend is included under the category ‘things’. What if… [pause] /shrug/ Man, I need to meet someone. I’m out.
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I’m sorry for all you IMers I had to blow off tonight. I was getting 100,000 messages as I was trying to load the page to write this post. Everyone wanted a personal explination of what I’m doing. Oh well, I’m sorry! I’ll have to write it here tonight. Click “full story” to read the full story. (Ya’ think?)
Okay, not much has changed. If you haven’t already, I suggest you read the last post of what it’s like here. By now, it’s lonely. The younger children have their friends with the other family and the adults talk amongst themselves. Sometimes I sit, sometimes I watch. I find myself staring blankly for long periods of time and just… zone out. Interesting things quickly become boring. In bordom I try to think of something to think about, but nothing interesting comes to mind. I quite literally find myself staring for hours or looking blankly into space with unfocoused eyes just rotting. Okay, so it’s not that bad. But at times, it feels like it is. In the bordom, I’ve been starting to really feel lonely… like, major lonely. I feel that way at home some, but I have projects, scool, work, and other things to keep me occupied. Here, I don’t, and it’s really starting to hit me. I’m starting to realize how far I’ve distanced myself from so many people. I seem to (for unknown reasons) push people away. The closer they get the more I resist. I used to think it was my way of trying to maintain stability in my life. And while, yes, this is accomplished… it’s such a horrible feeling. I’ll just have to wait and watch and take life as it comes. I’m not sure what else to do. In time, I’m sure someone’ll come along that’s the kind of person I can get close to ^_^ But until then… these days… now… when I stop and do nothing. I realize: dang, I don’t have friends and I need to find somebody to talk to.

The preceeding has been a realization induced by island seclusion. I can only hope that good things will happen because of it =o)
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You don’t really expect me to go to a foreign island in the middle of the ocean without finding a way to access the internet do you? /snicker/ I crack myself up. The thing is, I actually thought I wouldn’t get on the internet while I was down here. Ha! What a joke. Well, what’d I do? How’s it going? What’ve I seen? Where’s misia?… click the ‘read more’ button to read my entire article!
INTRO: Ah ha! You wish to read more. You daring person you. If you’re a guy and wishing to know more about my life, you’re pretty bored. If a girl wanting to know more about my life, my screen name is RTS and you should contact me about dinner sometime /wink/. Okay, anyway, to make this easier to read and smoother to write, I’ll use nice and clean paragraphs.
TRAVEL: 5:30 am I woke up. 6:00 I was driven to the airport by a friend. I don’t remember times very well, but pretty much we waited for half an hour and got on our first plane. (Orlando, Florida – my home) The plane was a 747 and I sat on row 9. It was nice. There were no seats in front of us (we sat in front of a wall) so we had a little more room to stretch our feet out. The trip was about 3 hours in the air, so I got whipped out the trusty ‘ol laptop and re-watched “Blood: The Last Vampire” and followed up the 50 minute film with the infamous “Knockin’ on Heavens Door”. I’ve seen that movie a lot, but it still stays fun to watch. Gun fights, cool girls (caugh – electra – caugh) and biological terrorism… such a cool plot. Anyway, after the flight ended we waited for 2 hours in Puerto Rico. I had just enough time to charge my battery for my ‘top. I knew the plane flight from Puerto Rico to St. Thomas was short… but I had no idea HOW short. From takeoff to landing we were in the air eighteen minutes. Talk about a short flight! When we arrived at St. Thomas we took a fairy to St. John. The environment seemed so foreign. You’ve seen pictures of places where there’s ocean with giant mountains sticking out. This place is crazy. It’s all mountain and rock. All the roads are blasted out of the sides of these mountains. Houses are built on more than 45º slants! You have to have 4 wheel drive to drive up some of these roads. They’re so steap you can barely walk up them. When we got to our house things seemed to settle down well.

DOING: Humm what have I been doing… Well, every day so far we’ve gone to the beach with another family. Not just a casual trip there and back – we go and stay ALL day. Living in florida, the beach seems like no big deal and prolonged exposure to sand, sun, and salt is simply a nusance. However our friends are from tenn. and obviously they hold different views. We usually leave a little earlier than they do, but I’ve never stayed at the beach so long before. After a while it’s like “okay, now what”. You can only look at stuff so long before it becomes nothing fun to look at. For no logical reason other than the passing of time, I dug. I used my hands and sometimes a bucket and just dug the heck outta the beach. I’d make these big holes that’re big enough that I could crawl completely in them and be below the ground level. Pretty women would be walking past me and glance at me digging. I don’t imagine I appeared too mature ^_^ Actually, the way I look hurts perceived maturity right from the start. I’m almost 18, but people always think I’m younger /shrug/. Tonight, I was with my 14 year old sister at dinner. The waitress came out and gave her a menu and asked my mom if I needed a childrens menu. It’s like… hello… first of all you can ask me. Second of all, I’m not a friggin’ child and I’m not younger than this 14 year old girl! Ahh! Shrug! Moan! Crap! Moo! @#$%! (I think that was a line from one of chibi’s blog entries I read months ago). Ok, new paragraph.
FUN? I don’t want to sound bad. I don’t want to give people bad images. And I look pretty bad for saying it, but I have to be honest. Yeah, it’s fun down here… But I wish I could have gone somewhere else. Here, there’s no water on the island. Houses are equiped with piping and storage tanks that collect the water that runs off the roof. It’s enough water (we’re told) that we can last a week here if we flush the tiolet once a day, wash the dishes lightly, don’t turn on the hose, and shower for 5 secs, then turn off the shower and apply shampoo, then turn it on to rinse it out and turn the water off. Water is very nice every once and a while. A 5 second shower feels good, and its nice to wash your face every once and a while. We’ve been here two days and I think we’re going to run out of water. Kelly’s taking 20 minute showers and no one seems to care. Kelly could care less, she has no concept of running out of water. I don’t know if she can’t comprehend turning the shower knob and no water coming out, or if she just doesn’t care, but it’d really driving me mad. It’s not gonna be any fun when we can’t take a shower or brush our teeth -_- Another thing is that here very few people have air conditioning. There’s a breeze usually so people just open the windows and doors. It’s hotter here than Florida, but the breeze makes it doable. The problem is when it’s nighttime, the doors are open, and there’s no wind. I just lay in bed and sweat. Sometimes I’ll wake up soaking wet. It’s not a foreign concept to me. I don’t have AC in my room and my parents atimately refuse to let me put in a small one of my own. I live by running two fans 24/7. Sometimes though, my dad will walk by while I’m asleep and turn the fans off trying to save money (my guess) by using less power. I’ll wake up later with a shirt so wet it looks like I’ve been running. I have to get up and turn the fans back on and change my shirt (and shorts, actually) and go back to bed. It’s like that here, just that the fan is controlled by nature. Another thing here is that there’re bugs everywhere. I’m getting slowly eaten alive. It’s mad. Something else is that you can’t buy anything. The only stuff on this island is imported from other places. Therefore, selection is limited and prices are huge. Cheese for 8 bucks, crackers for 6 bucks, etc. My dad really doesn’t like spending money on things, so grocery shopping here is a joke. We have to keep making trips to the grocery to get food. “You don’t NEED to eat as much as you do at home”… ok I need to drop this topic or I’ll get myself in trouble ^_^; Anyway, the collection of stuff I don’t care for combined with the fact that I can’t find anything here that I can actually say I like makes this somewhere that I wouldn’t care to visit in the future. I’d 10,000 times much rather go somewhere else, like China. Awww I’d sooo much like to visit China again, or even another asian country. I thought it was so awesome. The experiences of being able to see an entirely different culture and how they lived was so amazing. It really opened my eyes and was a really awesome experience I wish I could have again. Strange though, my mom, dad, and sister hated it. We went to China to pick-up a child we adopted. They say they were glad they went to China to adopt Hannah (her name), but they really didn’t like China itself. I remember them being so frustrated with the whole country and being so ready to go home. Funny, it’s the opposite here. Now, that’s how I feel, and everyone else loves this place ^_^ I think I’ll do fine for a few more days. It’s relaxing, and I am on vacation so I need to just soak it up while ignoring all the things that drive me nuts. Meanwhile, the rest of my family is planning annual trips back to this island with these friends ::blink::
RANT SOME MORE SCOTT: well ok, since you asked. We get this cool tv channel down here – channel I. It’s the international channel. In the daytime it plays dutch, french, russian, and german news programs. Howerver, at night, it plays asian movies and music videos! I watched hours of asian fighting movies and a lot of Japanese music videos. The cool thing was I knew 90% of the songs and had a really cool time seing the people that sang them (finally). Something that striked me as odd is the age of these women! In America we get these friggin’ kids acting like adults while singing and acting. Fifteen and sixteen year old kids are stars in the music industries in America. In Japan, though there are exceptions, most of the famous singers are a lot older. My guess is mid thirties. They’re pretty though =o) They have lots of surgeries on their faces. You see, in asia, cosmedic surgery among famous people is really common. In Japan, beauty is increased if a woman’s nose is lowered and it’s shape is changed. Lots of famous Japanese women have countless surgeries to change the shape and location of their noses. Beauty in Asia is defiened in the face. Meanwhile, in America, women get cosmedic surgery on their stomachs, boobs, and butts ::blink:: /shrug/. Moving on…
Hey, while we’re at the subject of Asian women, care to hear yet another event in the sting of strange asian wommen comments I’ve been getting? Okay, so we’re at dinner tonight with our friends. They’re two adults, five kids, an uncle and his son, my mom, dad, and two sisters. We’re all together at a resturaunt and since they adopted from China they started talking about China. My parents started saying how bad it was in China and how much they didn’t like being there. I didn’t really get defensive at that point – but I for some reason didn’t want to let people know I thought that. I spoke about how much I enjoyed meeting the people and seing how they live in such a foreign world. Then my dad said “yeah it’s also because he likes asian women” [laughter] It’s like, what do you say? Ahhgg, I actually said the word shrug. It’s like… ksooo (Japanese for #@$% (frustration)) What do you say to that? Later in the car ride home it started playing in my head, what he said to everyone, and I tried to analize why it bothered me so much. I always thought it was really shallow to like somebody just because of their ethnic group and the way they look. I decided to bring it up in the car. I asked why they keep saying things like that, since it’s not funny and not really true and fairly embarrassing. lie XD Guess what they said. Aww man I went overboard on shruggieness!! “Well you have posters of Japanese girls on your walls Scott”. Pause. Hold the film. Scratch the record. Let’s examine. My walls. I have 3 posters that contain women. They all three are animated. Two of them are American women, one of them is a French. However they were made in japan. Two of them are images of Lain, a girl who is twelve. The disturbing part is not that they base their reasoning on my liking asian women on the non-asian animated girls postered in m room. The disturbing part is that they think I’m attracted to the girls in my posters! Ahh! Help! Ok, I’ll admit. Electra, Asuka, yeah, they’re hot XD But I don’t have their posters in my room. The posters I have are of movies I really liked and put them up their because of that. My room is full of posters from movies. I have a shrek poster, an akira poster, and some other cool movie posters. It’s just… yuk – my parents think I’m attracted to the girls on my walls /shrug/ /moan/ /shriek/ /dies/. Right that second I considered taking those posters down. I realized it might be a possibility when I got the, but now I’m really thinking that it’s sending out VERY bad signals to people. Man, it’s like, I can’t even be myself without people messing up their interpertations of me. /scratches head/ what am I to do? I’m tired, I can feel it. This is probably a meaningless and worthless topic that’ll be a lot better in my mind after I sleep on it. So, with that, I’ll talk about one more thing, then I’m out.
I haven’t yet addressed the fact of the people I’ve met here. Especially the my-age women asian /caugh/ haha… that was a joke by the way. Honestly here, people don’t have to worry about me falling for women down here. I don’t mean to judge people by the way they look – but down here they’re dawgs! Maybe I came here a bad time of year or something, who knows. It’s like, at this point, they’re SO bad, bikinis on the beach make them look WORSE. If you’re over 80, or over 400lbs, you should not be legally allowed to wear a g-string. /shivers/ Okay, not that we’re done talking about the majority of unattractive women, let’s talk about the good ones XD Tonight at dinner (after the embarrassing / offsetting / thought-provoking comment) everyone kept going about their talk but I seemed to remain quiet and out of the conversation(s). I sat on the corner of the table and there was an empty seat to my right and in front of me. I stared at the seat in front of me blankly, and just churned in my mind all of the what’s and why’s of myself and asian women. I realized that I’m going to be 18 soon, and that I’m already done with high school, and I haven’t been able to be around anyone I’d care to spend any time with. Sometimes I meet people who’re really really nice and awesome to talk with… but they’ll be 6 or 7 years older /shrug/. It’s like, I’m this little guy (especially at college where everyone’s so much older) and I can never really find anyone around my age I find interesting. No offense to anyone, but sooo many people I’ve seen are simply… stupid. They act really dumb and do stupid things and sometimes, you just don’t know what goes through their heads. The “social priority” of friends before life is the biggest thing that drives me mad. Boyfriend hopping and / for acceptance / acceptance craving falls in that category. I see so many people who’re just spinning around the edges of the whirlpool and it’s only a matter of time before they get sucked in to a point where I’ll never see them again. I can’t explain it. I don’t really feel lonely, but on the other hand I really wish I had someone (in person) that I could talk with and just… spend some time with =o) All these things were churning through my head and all the sudden I heared the screech of a plastic chair being dragged on tile flooring in front of me. Someone’s sitting down in the chair in front of me… but who? I slowly look up. A girl with long black hair, a white tshirt, green cargo pants, and a pretty smile that made her asian facial features glow in the warmpth of the light from abov-… MISIA!! I TOLD YOU TO GO AWAY! /shrug/ Why’d I say that? Right now, here, I really wish I had someone to talk to… but now she’s gone… I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what I want. I just have to keep a clear eye on the paths in front of me and do my best to pick the best ones to travel =o) Okay, it’s getting late, and I need to post this and download drivers for my digital camera’s card reader. I’d might as well shoot up a few pictures. Okay, I’m out of here – later! (I’ll post every day I hope! But not so long. email me!!!!)
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